here we go (again)

well...internship will be finished in jus two months.
and I thought choosing internship place was hard, but deciding what to do after intership is way harder.

The possibilities and options are just numerous and there really is no right or wrong choice, it's just which one you're willing to accept the risks and benefits 'more' wholeheartedly.

and that's just not an easy call to make.

Besides, I feel like I have this inclination to 'choose' things that most people won't agree with, or simply would think I'm making a bad bargain.

But just like every other 'frown-upon' decisions I've made, although I made it with a lot questions in my heart, still I did it.
and here we are now.

All this covid situation is really getting 'out-of-hand'.
I really do hope we all stay safe and healthy.

Can you believe it? we're actually living in a future history!
What a time to be alive!

 

While we're at it...

 

 Me : "Kita tinggal 2 setengah bulan lagi loh woi!" 

Riri : "Sedih..." 

Adel : "Pasti kehilangan kalinya sama kebiasaan-kebiasaan kita, karna selalu 24 jam sama-sama." 

 

 

Hi, everyone.
2021 seem to be going swiftly when my friends and I can easily recall how we started the first day of the year, with covid 19....ahahahah

Riri : "...kita yang kalau ada masalah, diam, simpan dalam hati, masuk kamar."

Me : "Hahahahah...Tapi aku ngerasa aku lebih belajar tentang 'sayang sama orang' selama aku sendiri ini, sama temen dan sahabat, terutama dari internship kita ini, dari kita yang serumah. Aku belajar sayang itu memberi, ga masalah orang yang kira beri itu membalas atau enggak. Aku ngerti sekarang kenapa mamakku bisa bangun tiap pagi buat masak makanan buat kami."

Salah satu hal yang aku pelajari dan sadari banget akhir-akhir ini adalah kasih atau rasa sayang itu sifatnya memberi, willingly and not asking anything in return.

It is true that love is patient and kind, it is not jealous or boastful or proud. It keeps no record of being wronged.

Karna dulu, dari hubungan" pacaran yang aku jalani, aku sempat berpikir konsep cinta itu kayak barter.
Aku kira aku harus kasih sesuatu dulu baru bisa diberi 'kasih'.
And that is ego and not love.

I also learn that in every relationship we have, including friendship, housemate-ship, etc, it all takes commitment, to keep on loving someone even when he/she is not so lovable at the moment, even when he/she drives us mad.

Agak aneh jujur the fact that I learn more about love, being loved, and giving love to everyone around me in my singleness.
And I guess this is the answer to what I asked for when I was still in a relationship, a time to know and improve myself more, a time to love and understand my friends and people around me more, a time to grow into an independent woman emotionally, financially, and in her overall life.

So yeah...while we're at it, still in this program, still have all my time and attention for myself and people around me (at the moment my housemates, my friends), let's make the most out of it.

Karna untuk segala sesuatu ada waktunya.
So this is what we have right now, it won't last forever, and won't last for long.

 

I see what He showed me

hi bloggies..

I wish I could just tell how this prayer and fasting has been...but honestly it's been beyond what I thought of.

it's so weird that I feel like more open this lately, I feel like I am more confident and more free to be me.
It's not like I have been witheld by my parents or anyone in particular, it's just I am braver now to voice my self, to do what I want, to even post what I want.

Honestly, i really don't know what it is that makes me reach this point.
But if you knew how I was back in medical school, I was so scared to be all that I am, I was always concerned of crossing the social boundries in where I lived, I lived so safely and by the rules of others, that this new feelings start feeling like chains being broken open.

And ugh....we're in the mid term of the year...and I can say so many changes have taken place, more that  could ever imagined.

And Abba...
I know You gave me the visions....and I know if You showed me, You're gonna make it come through.
I don't need to know how, where, when, I'm just gonna keep my heart in Your Presence and do what you ask from me at the moment.
I know You are mighty.
I know You are faithful.
I know You are my good, good Father.

Hold me Father, to be strong and courageous in doing what You've called me to do.
All my ways and life are Yours.
Be it for You Glory.