I feel like I'm in the mood for ranting...
in the middle of all my paper works...ahahahah...why am I the most productive when I'm on a lot of deadlines?!
These last past couple of months, probably since September, I was pretty much in a situation where I was kinda searching for something.
And the universe kinda gets the memo and kept sending me 'things'.
Now, this young lady, as smarty-pant and nerdy as she can be, tetep aja dudul dalam beberapa hal.
So she got to learn some things from all that's been happening but also got herself 'hurt' in the middle.
ahahaah
Things I learn these last 5 months :
1. Real friendship is where we not only sweet talk when our friends feeling down, but ones that call out on your friends when she/he makes mistakes or makes decisions that you know will hurt 'em in the end or are not good for them. One that challanges and supports your growth as the individual that you are.
2. Some things I learnt from these people, whether we're still in contact or not, I'm gonna take these lessons :
G : that loving someone means accepting them wholly, including their past, the bad, good, wonderful, nasty past that made them who they are today.
Y : that marrying someone is not because they're a good cook, or they're good in bed, or they're good with kids. Let me put it how he said it :
"Kamu tu punya 24 jam per hari, Dys. Anggap 8 jam kamu habisin untuk kerja, 8 jam lagi untuk istirahat, dan kamu punya sisa 8 jam lagi. Memangnya 8 jam itu mau kamu habisin di kamar terus, atau masak terus, atau ngurus anak terus? Enggak kan?! Kebanyakan dari 8 jam itu, kamu cuman ngabisin cerita. Jadi, menikahlah sama orang yang kamu nyaman cerita sama dia."
aku cuman terdiam waktu dia bilang gitu.
P : for being a condiment I never saw coming, but spiced up my life, that I got teary, ahahahah. And ugh, for making me see that when a man loves you, he accepts and appreciates your dreams and aspirations, not looking down on them, nor questioning them. That 'providing' for the family is a man's main part, and it's never wrong to ask for 'provision'. That sometimes, a different background is really fun for both parties, although you both gotta translate some work-related things to each other.
And for once again giving me the chance to prove the kind of lady that I am, in a situation where I have to choose between what's right and what's desired.
3. Ask and you will receive.
I was always the type of girlfriend who wouldn't want to 'burden' my partner to pay for my meals or anything.
But now I see, me working and getting my shits together,
I feel like saying "So tell me boy what are you bringing to the table?"
If they're only 'feelings' and confusion, without commitment, real goals, and tangible evidences (a.k.a the material things), than I better sit by myself until someone comes to table with 'em.
4. Taking pesan Bapak not just to heart but also action now.
I remember when I was preparing for UKMPPD, Bapak sat down on the dining table with me and Cia, and he said :
"Kakak, nanti kalau udah kerja, jangan buru-buru lansung nikah.
Nikmati dulu uang kakak.
Pergi jalan-jalan, beli baju kakak, bedak kakak."
It's not that when I was doing my internship I didn't use my money for my own pleasures.
But sure, it feels different now, having your own money with different title and 'real' responsibility.
It feels gratifying, knowing that the money you make is from a toil and that your work actually brings impacts on other people's lives.
5. Live my live fully HERE and NOW.
This year's 'word of the year' from Transformation Church is not a word, but a phrase,
"HERE IS HOLY".
Well, I just found that out like last week.
What a coincidence, when I have been thinking and feeling that I hadn't been living fully my 'here' and 'now'.
Like because I was on my search for something, I forgot that what's in front of me now is no regular thing, that I should tend and take care of my now better.
Like as an OG overthinker and planner, thinking about the future always excites that Virgo side of me.
But, gotta learn how to enjoy now and make the best out of it.
I guess that's all...
Gotta get back to my paper works, for I wanna spend my weekend with Oli 'paper-work free".
We 'bout to have deep therapy session, both of us...ahahahahah
- for showing me that love means patience
