ORDINARY HUMAN

I'm just an ordinary human.
sometimes I medicate.

Hi all!

Sebenernya aku ga terlalu tau mau nulis apa.

It's just a feeling where you know life is not the way it used to be, but it's not yet 100% in the 'next level' or the next chapter, whatever you wanna call it.

I guess, it's transisition phase.

Najas : "Gua bingungnya kayak, ada yang bilang you need to 'constantly sending it to the universe'. Tapi ada yang bilang juga, lu ga perlu minta berulang kali, karna .."

Me : "Jadinya kayak lu ga percaya itu bakal terjadi, hahahahah."

Najas : "Nah iya. Itu dia, jadi how can you "constantly sending it to the universe" tapi ga minta berulang kali?"

Me : "Menurut gue "constantly sending it to the universe" nya itu maksudnya "you stay in the 'frequency'', keyakinan bahwa yang lu minta itu udah diterima dan sedang dalam proses datang ke elu. Itu sih part yang susahnya, untuk tetap 'percaya' ditengah proses penantian."

Najas : "Hmmm..iya. Makanya mereka bilang itu kayak lu belanja di e-commerse. You place your order, lakukan pembayaran. And wait. Lu ga berulang kali ngecek atau apa pun, karna lu yakin they're gonna send my order, and I'm gonna get it in time."

A question,

"Have you ever felt, when you're alone, felt like you can feel another heart beating, the same heart beat as yours, somewhere on this earth?

This happened a few days ago. I was in the middle of my 'devotional time' or 'quiet-time', I could feel there's another heart-beat."

There'll be peace in the city tonight

Wildest Dreams

Hi everything! 😂💀😎

I hope y'all are doing great.

We're at the end of Ramadhan, and I guess the end of 'quarantine' karna kayaknya pemerintah juga udah mulai menerapkan 'hukum alam' dalam menatalaksana Corona di Indonesia, jadi ya 'may the odds be in your favor' a.k.a stay safe, jaga diri dan keluarga masing-maisng, sendiri.

Udah segini lama dikarantina, I guess I know now how to use my day 'well'.
Which is to invest in things that make my soul happy, make me feel a sense of acomplishment as I close the day.

I'm so excited for Idul Fitri, cuz' my family always celebrate it with cooking Ketupat, Opor Ayam, and of course Rendang.
Walaupun kami ga ngerayain secara agama, there's always a sense of festive in our house at Idul Fitri.

In a not-so-long term, I'm excited about getting a dr. degree, not for the 'prestige' or anything, but for the fact that we did it, we finish the race God trusts us with. 🙏😃

I'm also excited about coloring my hair the way I want it. (wait for it...ahahahah) ✌👀

I'm hoping for spending my 'days-off' exploring Bali and Java, visiting Mai, revisiting Jogja,  finally going to Bandung and Bogor, and of course some time in Jakarta with 'the girl friends' for some 'girl thingy'.  💕😜😎😍

And yeah..I'm axcited about finishing 'Padang' chapter.
And start off a new chapter...with a whole new attitude, deeper roots, better and clearer set of priorites. 🙏

To be able to live in the moment, eventhough it is not good, 
to actually acknowledge the situation, yet still have the hope for brighter and promising future.
That's what faith does, the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; the assurance about things we can not see. 🙏

Getting ready for BALI-MOON Part II. 💕👄😎

the kind of stuff you do when you have a lot of free time  you're single. 😂😎✌

DIVE INSIDE, UNDERSTAND DEEPER 👌❤✌❤

I remember having this conversation with Najas,

Najas : "Sebenernya bukan lu jadi orang lain waktu lu PMS (Pre Menstrual Syndrome), cuman emang ambang toleransi lu ga setinggi biasanya."
Me : " Maksudnya?"
Najas : " Iya, sebenernya kejadian itu emang shitty, cuman karna hormon lu lagi seimbang, lu bisa toleransi itu dengan baik dan kayak 'Akh, udah deh...biarin aja.' 
Nah pas lu lagi PMS, lu ga mampu memberi toleransi yang sama ke shitty stuff, karna si hormonal imbalance itu."


I mean kayaknya kita banyak banget 'ngambing' hitamin PMS, but if only we know better about it, and how it effects our body, our emotions, and our reactions, we wouldn't have to be the 'victims' so much, and learn how to 'prepare' and cruise along it, moreover it comes monthly, 
so better make good friends with it.

I've seen that PMS is such a vast and personal experience for every woman.
For some women, it may mean appetite changes, or sleeping distrubances, 
or even it may not be much of a difference to her 'normal' days. 

Ada banyak banget variasinya.
Di aku, my PMS consist of one week of being 'more sensitive' than my normal days, 
a MONSTER appetite on the day before the cycle start, and that cramps on the first day, 
like literally in the day light and not-really-into food due to the pain. 
In physical changes, there are 'PMS break-out', or if I'm just 'lucky' enough,
ga sampek jadi 'break-out' cuman kulit kusam, ga secerah biasanya, bloated, 'pseudo-pregnant' apperance belly, and it can be either constipation or diarrhea, 
I mean, a change in my normal bowel movement.

But, more than that yang aku rasa lebih 'excrutiating' adalah perubahan hormon yang nyebapin your emotional changes.
I mean, kadang kalau lagi diajak ngomong sesuatu sama temen cewek and it is the kind of feeling yang bikin mereka merasa sendirian, bersalah, atau merasa 'ga cukup/kurang' aja in general, 
aku biasanya nanya, 'Itu lu lagi masa PMS ga?' atau 'Lu udah mens belum bulan ini?'

Ini bisa banget berwujud kayak ngerasa ga ada yang peduli sama kita, atau teringat tentang kejadian yang membuat kita 'terluka' dan kecewa, atau mempertanyakan hidup kayak 
'kenapa ya gua belum kek gini atau belum kayak gitu'.

I don't say those feelings are not good, but if we let them influence and control us so much that we start questioning ourselves, itu yang ga baik.
Kalau digunakan untuk self-reflection in our 'normal' days sih baik banget, buat lihat bagian mana yang harus diperbaiki dalam hidup, nentuin langkah selanjutnya, dll.

So, karna aku memang cuman bakal nyaranin/ ceritain hal yang aku udah lakuin, some things yang menurut aku will help us, girls, a lot untuk ga terlalu kebawa suasana/ dalam hal ini kebawa sama perubahan hormon adalah :

1. Track down your cycle

Emang penting banget untuk tahu normalnya siklus kita itu berapa lama dan kita lagi dalam masa apa sekarang.
Tracking down your cycle ga cuman penting waktu kamu mau nikah, untuk tahu masa subur kamu, waktu 'bereproduksi' paling baik. ✌👀😂
Lebih dari itu, tracking down your cycle bikin kamu tahu if this time of the month is the best time for me to start new project, tahu kapan energi kamu secara keseluruhan paling baik (physically, emotionally, even intelligently). 😎💪

So yeah, track down your cycle, ketahui normalnya siklus kamu tu berapa hari, lama mens kamu berapa lama. 

One tip is to use an App, dan aku bisa nyaranin make Flo App.
Jadi ga perlu coret-coret kalender meja belajar/ dinding atau ngitung-ngitung sendiri pake Calender di hp.  👌❤✌

2. Know your symptoms

Ini yang aku secara pribadi ngerasain manfaatnya banget.
Karna when PMS hits, banyak banget perasaan yang bercampur aduk, sampek bisa crying spells, kayak nangis aja tanpa alasan yang jelas. 
Film ga sedih-sedih banget, nangis. Makanan enak, nangis. Atau keinget orang/kejadian yang lalu, nangis.
Banyak banget macamnya.

Karna aku ga mau ngebiarin my emotions control so much of my reactions, jadi aku mulai ngelist 'apa aja yang aku biasanya' rasain selama aku PMS.
Sampai aku bikin 'Step-Ledder Questions' untuk diri aku sendiri untuk bisa asess perasaan aku secara objektif.

Now, kalau aku lagi PMS dan that crying-spells datang, aku jadi kayak, 
"Ohh it's just my dear friend, PMS, doing her thang." 😂💁💖

source : The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, Volume 95, Issue 4, 1 April 2010, Page E1, https://doi.org/10.1210/jcem.95.4.9998

3. Take good care of yourself

That 150-minute physical activity per week.
That painting or cooking or reading hobby of yours.
A regular sleep schedule.
The right diet for you, karna aku percaya kalau pola makan tiap orang memang sebaiknya disesuaikan dengan aktivitas, preference, dan faktor risikonya dia sendiri. 
Jadi ya balik ke diri masing-masing.
And yeah a nurturing inner-circle/ close friends for emotional, mental, and recreational matters. 👊💕
And a spiritual conection with The One, supaya kamu ga terombang-ambing ama dunia. 🙏

I really do hope this can help some of my girl friends out there.
I mean, kita yang ngalamin, kita yang tahu rasanya, kan?
Dan baik banget kalau pengetahuan kita bisa bantu satu sama lain. 💕💋🙏

Here are some of the journals kalau kamu mau dive lebih dalam lagi :
1. Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/95/4/E1/2596293
2. Menstrual Cycle Phase Modulates Emotional Conflict Processing in Women with and without Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) – A Pilot Study https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0059780
3. Stress reactivity and emotion in premenstrual syndrome  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5481285/
4. Emotion Dysregulation of Women with Premenstrual Syndrome https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5138621/