A Lady's Journal: August 2023

Dear my long abandoned blog,

I've missed writing so much.

Life has been crazy, especially these past eight months, a.k.a 2023 is indeed one crazy year.

Since I last wrote one year ago, so many things have changed.

1. I've made up my mind on the specialty I'm pursuing for life.

Dang, even writing it feels like a big thing, just because I know that is another life-long commitment I'm making.

2. I've left Sumba and resigned from the Sumba Foundation.

Although I'm still actively involved in the collaboration research on neglected skin diseases and leprosy, it was one of the big decisions I made for myself.

It was just a point where I already knew I had reached the goals I set for myself when I first joined SF, which were self-development, leadership, and management skills, and that there was no next step career-wise for me there since I was the Medical Supervisor, the highest position for a doctor in SF.

But SF will always have a special place in my heart, and if I come back to Sumba one day, I will make sure I also involve SF, at least for the health worker staff knowledge and skill development. ahahhahahaha...simply because I enjoy training others so much, I enjoy helping people build up their capacity and, with that, also improve the system.

3. My family went through Cia's ruptured appendicitis, laparotomy, three months of stoma care, and finally, a stoma closure operation.

Simply put this was one of the experiences that thought us a lot; especially for Cia, my only-one and little sister, and me as a healthcare provider and at the same time as a patient's family member.

4. I moved to Jakarta and started working for the International Pediatric Association (IPA).
This one is way beyond what I ever thought for myself.

Firstly, because, even since I was still in high school, I've always told Mom that 1. I will not build my career or family in Medan, 2. And I know Jakarta is not a place I want for that either.

Secondly, my current job is 180 degrees from what I did at the Sumba Foundation.

Back in Sumba, 80% of my job is hands-on, field-trip, very practical work: home visiting my patients, teaching the nurses, handling medicine and other supplies, and the 20% is managerial, reporting, and coordinating with the consultants.

In IPA, all of my work is behind-the-screen work; at a glimpse, people may deem it easy, but it is unpredictable, and it put me in a position to better my formal English writing skills..ahahahahah..

This is so random, but last year, I did my IELTS test, bearing in mind I will use the certificate for scholarship application. At that time, we (my mom and I) thought I'd be doing a master's first, then pursue a specialty afterward. So, I did the IELTS without any dedicated preparation because I was caught up with all my work at the Sumba Foundation. And it turned out that my lowest score was in writing ahahahhaha.

And now, I look at my job, and every time I type the words "with due respect', "hence," "therefore," and "however," I just laugh to myself and think, "God, You have a great sense of humor! Thanks for giving me this very position to improve my skill, though." 😀😂

On the other hand, my IELTS test is one of the experiences that taught me about 'actively preparing for what I pray for or have faith for.'

At that time, I had this belief that "I'm gonna take the IELTS test because I wanna pursue higher education." And I always tell everyone that, "Whichever comes first, either master scholarship or specialist scholarship, I'm gonna use the IELTS certificate for it."

I took the test in July last year in Jakarta because I was trying to find the available test date closest to Nabila's wedding. And on 28th November last year, the government announced its specialist program scholarship. I even took a few days to think through if I wanted to give it a try no matter what the result would be since I knew the kind of job I chose as a general doctor was not a common one for doctors in Indonesia. I thought they must be looking for an experienced 'hospital-based clinician.'

Well, it turned out I got it.

Despite all my self-doubts and even more, despite what I perceived as a perilous yet memorable interview moment, which I thought was gonna disqualify me.

5. Not so much like Carrie Bradshaw in NYC
I love watching Carrie Bradshaw and Sex and The City, for the fashion and also because the idea of New York always appeals to me, especially the Times Square lights at night.

I figured after almost three months of working and living in Jakarta, living alone in Jakarta is so much different than all my past experiences living alone, and I have lived by myself for nine years ahahahhaaaaaahahh..

If I could mention some points:

I just spent 2.5 years living in Sumba, where I don't see much social discrepancy. I told this to my closest; one of my culture shock moving from Sumba to Jakarta was seeing a kid from the area begging while I was buying my juice.
People may think, "WHY IS THAT A CULTURE SHOCK?!"
I spent 2,5 years living in Sumba, where I never experienced that, where everyone just kinda dresses the same, and especially because every care in Sumba Foundation is free, so any patient coming with any attire, whether they had taken a shower or not, whether they're dirty or well-put, my service and how I treat them is all the same.
Compared to a very 'what-somebody's-wearing' city like Jakarta.
I had lived in Padang while I was doing med school. I also lived in Sumba for an internship and Sumba Foundation. But living alone in Jakarta is so much different, in a sense that it is levels higher than past experiences. This is because when I was in Padang, my challenge was the cultural difference, but financially, I was supported by my parents. Then, when I was in Sumba for my internship, even though I was already on my own financially, housing was provided, which cut a lot from the budget. Moreover, when I was in the Sumba Foundation, housing, 3-times-a-day meals, transportation and gas money, and even my quarterly leave accommodation were all provided. So, all my earning is for secondary needs and investment.

Now, in Jakarta, I started everything from the very beginning without all of the above. ahahahhah

I realized how hard it is to build yourself, especially in Jakarta.

But I LOVE THIS EXPERIENCE.
I always mentioned that I am grateful for going through this while still single.
It made me so much more financially cautious.
It made me understand and accept that growing up really can be lonely from time to time, and that is normal.
And I am proud of myself for being brave enough to make all these decisions.
Mom once said on a phone call.

"Kalau kau memang pemberani, Dys. Kau bakal ngenal daerahmu. Kalau aku ga bakal kayak gitu, walau aku udah pernah tinggal sendiri di luar."

And I laughed at that because it's true.

6. Things do change when you're a grown-up

I love eating everything, especially sweets.

I was never in a situation where I had to cook for myself, so I never really had the 'confidence' to present my cooking to other people.

But being in Jakarta and knowing that buying food can cost an arm and leg ahahahhaha, I have to cook. I bought my own fridge and electric pan, and to my surprise,

IT'S BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO NOW.

I will look at easy recipes with limited cooking space and ingredients.

I will save the cooking videos.

And I LOVE SALADS NOW.

I've done a lot of moving in the last five months, moving from Sumba to Medan moving to 3 different rooms at the hospital for my sister's second operation. Moving from Medan to Jakarta for one week, staying at a relative's house, to moving to my first 'kosan' (because 'apartment' is way too good of a word to explain a rent room), then moving to a second one because the first one doesn't have a parking spot, and just recently moving to another room at the second kosan.

And even crazier, I'm moving to my family's house next month.

JUST A LOT OF MOVING.

But, ever since all this, living by myself and by my own means, I love to decorate my space.

After completing the pros and cons, I choose to live in my own house, for I have more space, I can cook decently there, and one thing I am most excited about is I CAN NOT WAIT TO DECORATE MY OWN ROOM!

I've already planned to paint the wall medium grey with a white accent, having a white frame standing mirror and hanging closets for all my daily attire.

And also, I can't wait to bake. I wanna bake banana bread (because it is my love).

Plan to make my own salads, fruits bowls, and whatever recipe I wanna try.

I am very excited to shop at the market, buying some chicken, fish, and veggies. ughhh
It just sounds so fun to me.

SEE!!

Nadrah and I mentioned that all of this behavior shift is a sign that we are GETTING OLDER.

Our favorite pastime now is all home or self-development-related.

AHAHHAHHAHA

But I love it so much, partly because I know I had my share of crazy early 20s and am now in my late 20s with a more settled mindset, principles, and even groups of friends.

So that's all

It's one of my longest posts, but I feel so relieved I finally got back to writing again.

Enjoy life, everyone!