Close It with Grace

Hello everyone.
hampir 3 minggu aku off nulis, after that Holler at Ya Girl Series.
[I do really hope that series can help a lot of people, at least open up your horizon, or at least give you a new perspective in life, I really do hope so.]

I didn't write bukan karna aku ga tau mau nulis apa, but I thought, only until I finish the assignment that I had, which was "Shared Christmas", then I could go on and write.

So, as I was doing my 30-day of Prayer and Fasting, after I finished the first week of it, I felt in my heart, that this year, the money that I've saved anually to be given to widows/widowers/orphans at my church in Medan should be given to orphans in the city where He's put me in, which is Padang.

And at that time, it occured in my heart, I was scared and not sure how to do it.
For 1) it was barely 3 weeks to Christmas, 2) I didn't have any orphanage's contact person's numbers, 3) how do I gather my friends, or tell people about this plan, in such short time, when I didn't even know which orphanage we're gonna have this celebration in, how we're gonna do it, or we'll what we give impact the orphanage.

 One thing I learnt from that assignment is that  :

If He put it in your heart, all He asks from you is your obedience, 

to follow  what He tells you to do, and to just trust Him, 

trust that He'll make the way.

Long story short, Shared Christmas went out fantasticly.
We had short but meaningful sermon, we shared food, and the highlight of the night was we had games....and it was really fun to do, even for me as the MC and jury.
The kids and my friends were really after the prizes, they were really competitive...
bahasa Medan-nya sih "BETEKAK" banget demi poin kelompoknnya...ahahahahah... 😝😂💕
and this is one of the memories I will surely rejoice from 2019.


And I am forever grateful for my friends and family who participated in giving money/stationeries/bag/clothes/dolls/books and their time in this celebration.
I didn't expect we'd be able give money in that amount and packages that many.

I sicerely thank you all.  

And thank you for trusting me to allocate them, to trust that I won't manipulate or take personal advantages from it. 

~ S H A R E D   C H R I S T M A S ~

Makasih Bi, udah nerima Gladys dengan sangat hangat.

To give people what you would be happy to accept if you were the one to accept. 

I swear I was nervous...
jadi Worship Leader, ngasih kata sambutan, dan MC.
 It was surreal. 🙏🙏🙏

What I want for Christmas...

***

I did get to spend 24-hour of Christmas at home.

Old me would be mad over only being able to spend 24 hours with my family at chirstmas, mad and sad because I didn't get permission to not come to the hospital for one day, when we actually have the 'one day off' right.

But, I believe every thing happened for the good.

So on the day that I should have gone back home (Saturday), instead I met a friend that needed a 'safe-place'.

And the next day (Sunday), I got to spent time with Opung, having our discussion, on her next department and on my next journey.

And on Monday,  I got to did my 'mini case' exam confidently, and attended a meeting for study group.

All of it turnt out to be fruitful and meaningful time.

So, when I reached Medan, I feel more joyful as I got to be with my family, after all the things I did for and with other people.

I know, right? we cute. 💋💁💕😂

~ T H E   S I R E G A R S ~

My MVP, holding me up through it all. 💕💞

P.S.

Did He answer my wish for my prayer and fasting?

Of course HE DID!

He is the One who never leaves the one behind.

He releases me from all bondages of pain, hurt, disappointment, and bitterness that happened in and before 2019. #ThankYouAbba

And for 2020, He gives me visions and hope.

And that is all I could ever ask for.

W A I T I N G [Part III : Holler at Ya Girl]

Heelooooo everyone.

First week of Dermatovenerology down, and I have one more science session, which is case report, to do. 😉😊

***

Today, we're entering part III of Holler at  Ya Girl.

This one takes less time to write cuz' it doesn't really involve anyone other than me, and I don't have to ask for informed consent first. 😊

I love countdowns.

They just gets me excited everytime I wake up and get to see the number gets smaller as I get closer to the events/things I'm anticipating for.

And I used to loathe waiting.

Like...if I could get everything express...man I'd certainly choose that.

I'm sure some people can testify on that part of me..ahahahha 😝😜 (you know who you are)

Like I didn't like waiting cuz' I didn't see the active participation in it.

I used to think of waiting as a 'lazy alibi' for not doing anything to get things that you want/desire.

But, as I spend more time in the presence of The Lord (personal devotional time, pray, listening to sermons on subjects I want a revelation about, and tithe), I begin to have better understanding of it.

And last Wednesday I stumble upon this sermon by Rich Wilkerson Jr., that says :

A vision rarely needs immediate actions. 

It always requires patience.

Waiting is working.It's working while I wait.And on the flip-side of it, WAITING WORKS. 

And when I wait on HIM, it ALWAYS WORKS. 

If GOD promises something, if I wait on HIM, HE will deliver. 

The bigger the responsibility, the more preparation required. 

If life gets too hard to stand, kneel.
Prayer helps you see things, that you otherwise would miss. 

(I swear when Rich said this I had a de ja vu moment, cuz' I've been saying and experiencing this many times)

You want opportunity and favor.
So ask God : "GOD, please give favor in my life" 

And if life gets too hard to stand, if the vision becomes too heavy, if the waiting feels too long, get down on your knees and pray. 

Because waiting is working.Cause it is your job to wait.And waiting works. 

It always works waiting for God's timing. 

I'm gonna pray like I'm hoping God's gonna do it. And I'm gonna plan like I know God is gonna do it.

So...as Christmas is coming and so is New Year, 

we are in week I of ADVENT (a time of expectant waiting and preparation for both the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus at Christmas and the return of Jesus at the Second Coming)

I'd like to spend the time on :

     1. Praying and Fasting for 30 days until Christmas

I have fasted before...but never continually...and whenever I fast, it's usually on the same day when my appetite and hunger are at their lowest points, due to monthly hormonal change. 

So, when I tell this to my friends about this, I be getting like :

"ALAH! Gladys puasa?! Tiap sebentar aja jajan HOYA" or like 

"Ahhh lu...pas kemarin bulan puasa aja ga tahan..."

And I laughed hard on that cuz' they're true. 😁😂

I mean my friends see how I be around food, especially bread and sweet things.

So when I reached the first week (which is today) of this fasting and praying time and not once bailed on it, I just laughed harder. 😁😂😀

      2. Let Abba break any bitterness, dissapointment, or hurt-feeling in me from this year

Cuz' whatever you're binding yourself to, is what's gonna come around.

source : The Artidote, by Moniaco D'Amore

      3. Let Abba show what He wants to do in 2020, so that what I desire is His desires.

Now..this part is nothing like I've done before.

Karna I like making resolutions...feeling excited when I write it and even make doodles of it.

But something I learnt from this year is that before stepping into anything, 

ask Abba what He wants to do in it. 

So even though I know 2020 will have some major events in it, 

I'mma shut all the voices inside of me, and pay attention to what Abba's gonna say.

xoxo,

Edys

C L O S U R E [Part II : Holler At Ya Girl]

Hei all.

Can we take a moment of gratitude karna Anak udah berlalu? ;)

and a moment of pure joy ehehhehe  😎💃

***

So we're in part two of Holler at Ya Girl.

And honestly, I took time contemplating on how to write this the right way, that it can help you understand the importance of closure and hopefully not offend anyone. 

So here we go...

It took me some months untuk menyadari kalau some stuff keep showing up in my life, in this year.

I used to pray like "Why God?! Like seriously, why?"

Then Mom said, "Have closure, Nang."

(read : Nang : panggilan orang tua Batak Toba ke anak perempuannya)

I didn't understand why Mom said that.

Cuz' like why would I be the one asking for closure, when I'm the one adversely affected by other people's doings.

So it was a real battle between my ego and logic.

I didn't know what to choose, so I prayed.

Asking if it was the right thing to do, how was I supposed to do it?

And I see now, that some things will not be answered by thinking about it, consulting to friends about it, believing in your logic and feeling about it.

All things are The Almighty's matters, even your indecisiveness.

And I swear...it was the bravest right thing to do.

Being able to come up and say I wanted closure.

Like..
I've been telling this a million times now,
kalau Alam Semesta akan mempertemukan hal-hal dengan frekuensi yang sama,  dan kalau sesuatu belum beres, it will keep showing up in your life.
Be it orang yang kamu hindari, atau permasalahan keuangan, bahkan kebiasaan moody kamu.
It will keep showing up, until you take care of it.


So yeah...
Aku yakin bukan hanya aku yang mengalami permasalahan yang bulak-balik muncul.
Kayak kita bisa aja pindah tempat, atau ada di lingkungan baru, tapi masalah yang muncul itu-itu aja.
Karna permasalahan itu adalah sebuah test.

And in any test that you take, 

only until you pass it, will you be let go of the 'obligation to take it'.

And until that, 'a remedial' is all you have, wherever you go. 

xoxo,

Edys

HOLLER at YA GIRL [The Series]

hi y'all.
I hope you're doing amazing...in whatever your situation right now.


These past two weeks, I've been having the urge to write this post.
It's just I was busy finishing my case presentation and all my exam preparation.
Now that tomorrow is the last day of Pediatric Department, I get to write my thoughts.

***

So...
It's almost one year of me being single.
And there's just these things I get to learn along the way.

> TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF <

Nadrah : "Lu ga pernah enjoy pergi sendirian?!!"
Me : " No...."
Nadrah : "Sebelum lu pacaran juga?"
Me : " Yeah....bahkan sebelum w pacaran pertama kali.."

This is literally Nadrah's shocked reaction when I told her that it surprised me that I enjoyed my time going to the mall alone, like not rushing anything, just wear my comfy outfits, walk around the mall, see cute things, buy my 'girly' needs wants, sit down at a cafe alone, and enjoy my avocado chocolate drink and donuts.

I used to be so 'anxious' about going out...that even when I went with my partner,
I didn't enjoy the surroundings, I was just there...like not enjoying...just there...
I was anxious in a way that I didn't pay attention...like I did't see nor feel my surrounding....
It was just me going out with my partner...and talk...about a lof of stuff...but I just didn't 'connect' with my environment. 
(I hope you get what I mean..soalnya ini perasaan yang agak sulit untuk diterangin)


Looking back at it now, I think that's why I was so bored and stressed eventhough I went out with my partner a lot.

And it wasn't any of their problems.
They were good partners (at that time for me) (although gua cuman pernah pacaran 2 kali...✌  #peace)

It was me, haven't figured out things with myself.
It was me putting a lot of trust which next leads to unrealistic hopes towards my partner, hoping that 'the one' will make me enjoy me...like accept me...which will never happen, boo! 

Because, as much, and as deep, and as pure as someone can love you,
you gotta go deep inside yourself, be honest to yourself,
confront your own traumas, your own hurt, your own pain,
and fix them.. so you can start living and loving youself and other people the right way.

And this process ga akan pernah bisa cuman take some days, atau minggu...karna segala emotional baggage yang kamu simpan betahun-tahun ga akan resolve dalam seminggu kamu start reading self-development books...or denger lagu rohani atau kotbah dari siapa pun.  

                                                    It    will     take     time.  

And sebenernya, setiap orang punya emotional baggage yang perlu dia confront sendiri. Mungkin punya kamu ga sama kayak aku. In your case it might be kekecewaan sama orang tua kamu, rasa cemburu sama saudara kamu sendiri, atau rasa ingin selalu jadi nomor #1 kalau enggak kamu ngerasa gagal (case anak FK banget #SomethingJustGotBurnt 😄) , your sexuality, atau apa pun, karna banyak banget case-nya.  (and don't you start lying about this  ✌) 

EVERYONE IS JUST AS CRAZY AS YOU ARE, JUST IN DIFFERENT MATTER 

#wink 😉😜

by saying 'time' I mean 'all the time' yourself need to heal.
ga ada takarannya berapa lama...but if you're so committed in understanding you, you will get the most priceless gift anyone can give themselves. 
And emang...such things, kayak emotional or childhood traumas, ga akan pernah bisa beres cuman dengan usaha kita sendiri..
Harus ada pembaharuan hubungan dengan orang yang memang benar-benar mengerti kamu, 

Pencipta kamu.

Relationship with Your Creator like never before.

Apa pun agama kamu...atau kepercayaan kamu.
I've seen kalau orang yang truely have good connection with The Almighty, you simply see them shine... like penuh berkah 'aja' hidupnya...bukan cuman ke dia...tapi orang-orang sekitar dia.

Karna apa pun yang kamu pour ke sekitar kamu (in your work, friendship, hidup kamu sehari-hari), it's just reflection of what you're pouring yourself with.

Jadi kalau kamu seringan see and talk about 'the bad' of other people,
honey, do yourself a favor, fix it, fix you.

P.S.
Ini dulu buat sekarang...
Imma make "Holler at Ya Girl"  as my blog series,
where I talk about stuff yang menurut aku bakal bisa ngebantu banyak orang banget.
Karna sebenernya poinnya ada beberapa...cuman untuk sekarang ini aja dulu.

***

To holler at someone means to see each other, to talk over.

(https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=holler%20at)
#EBM #ExperienceBasedMethod


So yeah... holler at ya girl....holler at me.

xoxo

Edys

write it with ice cream

sometimes, things are better left alone for a few moment.

it's not so they get resolved by themselves, 

but it is for us to have better understanding about ourselves, our parts on the matter, and be reasonable.

and sometimes, while giving things time, having ice-cream as a company will soothe the process.

'if only I knew', she said.

it's such a funny feeling to see my beloved bestfriend in her own 'kasmaran' session.
that she 'unconsciously' plays with my hair before taking her 'phone-call session' 👯💕💋

her :

"Glad, kalau aku tahu di umur 24 tahun 6 bulan aku bakal dapat Rio,

ga akan aku galau-galau waktu dulu."

and if it's the right one,

it will be as easy as breathing.

man...how prophetic words can be...

yet how little attention I paid ..

so gonna sing this one with Mai...after all my CRS 💕💓

BAEWATCH

when soulmates connect, 

more than the people in the relationship get blessed.

Soulmate : someone who is suitable for my soul and neccessary for my assignment.

1. They come by revelation not by manipulation

"If she's mine, I don't have to manipulate for her."


2. Their values allign with your needs.

What if you tell someone you're hungry, and they say "Stop being so physical."

Compatibily doesn't mean 'they need from you what you need from them.'
But it means, they personally value themselves as something that you need.

Ex. If you have a need for honesty, they have to be a person that value intigrity outside your relationship. So they don't have to try to be honest, to meet your needs. Cause their value allign with your need.

Some things are just things people don't value.

Sometimes, people don't know what they value, until they get into relationship, and not getting what they value.

If you don't know you, you don't know what you need.
And if you don't know what you need, you don't know if they can meet it.

3. They compliment you, they don't complete you,

It's dangerous to be in a relationship with anybody, who think they're doing you a favor by being in a relationship with you.

You don't want someone who sees you as a 'half'.

You want sant someone who sees you accurately, who can value you appropriately, who says
"You're moving by yourself, but we're a force when we're together.
I come along side you, and I compliment you."

4. They push you closer to God and not further away.

People don't have to share the same things to be happy.
But the question is, would God send you somebody that pulls you away from Him?

You can say "I'm happy".
That's true, but that doesn't mean you're obedient.

You can't be and "all-in-christian" if you're with someone who doesn't share those values.

You can choose between obeying the one you're with and the One you serve.

This is the problem, "We don't trust God with our happiness."

It's right in the Bible.
You see it, but you ignore it, because "I don't trust God enough to obey what You say about relationship is gonna make me happy."

You are settling for happyness when you can have joy, unexplainable joy, joy unspeakable and full of glory.

You think you know what you need, and you don't.
Your heart is deceiving you.

I don't care how strong you feel it, if it's not alligned with The Word, it's not God, He's not in it, and He will not bless it.

"I don't care how you smilin', I'm not in it."
"I don't care if you're happier than you've ever been, I'm not in it."

"Whom the Lord loves, He corrects."
Love says "Stop! I love you. This is gonna hurt you."

5. They don't interfere with your assignment, the advance it

God's not gonna give you a purpose and then send you somebody who gets in the way of you carrying it out.

Th question is "DO YOU TRUST GOD TO PROVIDE?"

I've learnt my lessons, and I've turnt from those ways.

- JEHOVAH JIREH-

P.S.
This is all from the video..I'm just typing to help a friend make presentation.
All credits go to Ps. Dharius Daniels.

legless run

today I came

and I still remember that day 

when I came right after school, 

lamenting to You

kneeling down

tears dripping down my face

and all I said was

"I can't...I can't...I can't"

Time passes and

I still come

still have laments

still kneel down

only now

I know this is my weapon

this kneeling down

this surrendering

even in days 

when I feel like putting a fight against You

I still gonna come

to tell You

"I may not know it...

but I put my trust in You

'cause You are my Abba" 

Location Unknown

question from a location uknown

did they send it?

FIRE MEETS GASOLINE 🔥🔥🝆🝆

Hello every boddiiihhh!!!!!

Had an "AHA" moment yesterday, while I was doing my night shift here in Bukit Tinggi.

I was watching Jeremy Foster "Top Relationship Secrets" as a part of "Definitely, Maybe" series.

and there was this part where he goes  :

If they're NOT ON FIRE for HIM,

they CAN'T BE ON FIRE for me.

and at that very moment, SIA's fire meets gasoline starts playing in my head.
Cuz' this song has always been part of my view about how partnership is.
Two persons being the booster for each other.

Back then I had always known that there's something missing on that point of view.
It just felt like it was too much of 'it's all-about-the-two-of-us'.
But I didn't know what it was that's missing....until Jeremy said that...
And that just links everything....
The  whole synapses in my brain just started firing up the action potential. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

So yeah... this song is still one of my favourite and one point of view of how I see partnership is.

It's two people being the fire to the gasoline for each other's PURPOSE.

And that will only be as good as 

how on fire you are for The Lord, before the person comes in your life. 

Cuz' what you bring to the relationship is the reflection of what you're filling yourself with before the relationship.

a quiet place

it took me some time untuk bisa mengakui kalau I am not at peace right now.
kalau dalam hati, aku punya rasa ga terima, kesel ke Abba.
kayak "kenapa harus susah? kenapa harus bertubi-tubi? where's the reward, the promised land?"

tapi di satu sisi, aku juga sadar, what I'm asking from Him, emang bakal dan harus put me through a lot...'cause I wasn't  just asking for me...

so.. I'mma take some quiet time...where I will have a growth and prayer buddy to keep me accountable.
I'm doing this for me...untuk punya hati yang tenang, yang selalu berkomunikasi dengan Abba, yang mau dengar suara-Nya.

Aku sadar sekarang,

kalau sebenarnya apa yang terjadi,

adalah jawaban atas doa-doa yang dulu aku minta,

jauh saat keadaan masih sangat bertolak belakang, 

dan saat yang aku tahu hanya meminta karna itu yang aku rasa di hati.

Tapi sekarang aku bukan hanya meminta, 

karna sekarang aku sedang menjalani  'the required work' untuk apa yang aku doakan.

BABAK BELUR

Tumben banget buat judul blog pake bahasa.. ahahahah....and tumben banget ngetik blog dari hp....

Anyway everyone...
HI!HELLO!!
how y'all doing? 😉☺️

Let's talk about bestfriends.
Like what part do they play in our life.
I mean..most of the time we are so happy to have them because we associate having them with good time, good memories, like laughter and joy.

This is not wrong...I mean everyone has different sorting and classification system of human relationship.

It's just while I'm doing this Pediatric department, and I swear, I love all the babies I get to see...tickle...even hold... it's just I'm also having deep mental stress that every Sunday afternoon-night, around 6 p.m., I be not wanting to do anything, cuz' tomorrow I'mma have to come to the hospital again... :'(

That's just bad...and it's actually rooted to my fear towards my supervisor. Like I be imagining having to meet and speak to my supervisor, and I just go ":( I'm scared".

It was so concerning that my bestfriends called me, cuz' right now the three of us are separated in different regions and timing of the country...

Oli : "APA SIH MASALAH KAU SAMA IBUK TU?"

Like tanpa ada 'halo' 'hola, como esta' atau ba bi bu..she just madly yelled at me...

And at that time I had de ja vù moment...like I used to be the one calling and yelling at the other party, now I'm the one being yelled at.

Then... there's Mai yang bener2 ngambil waktu buat video call and just without any precautions, just 'got in my house' and wreck everything.

Mai : " Glad...kam itu pintar...Aku sedih loh bilang ini...Kam itu pintar tapi kam ga bisa buat keputusan yang benar. 

Aku kenal kam. Aku tau kalau kam sedang damai atau enggak. 

Kalau kam memang mau keluar, ya keluar.
Tapi jangan kek gini. 

Jelasin alasan kenapa kam harus pulang, jelasin alasan kam. 

"Bu, nenek saya meninggal, saya mau ada di sana untuk menghormati Nenek saya untuk terakhir kalinya dan memberi dukungan ke Ayah saya." 

Ya udah kalau nanti ga diterima, kalau dipermasalahkan ya udah. 

Tapi jangan jadikan izin ini alasan untuk melarikan diri. 

Kalau kam memang mau keluar, lansung bilang 

"Bu, saya mau mengundurkan diri."

Kalau ditanya kenapa, bilang 

"Karna menurut saya, saya kurang ilmu untuk masuk Anak."

Kasih jawaban sama orang sampai orang terdiam Glad, sampai dia ga bisa nanya lagi. Jangan mau ngejalanin sesuatu sebagai pelarian. Tapi jalanin karna kam udah tau itu risikonya.  

Jadi kalau pun ga dibolehin, disuruh ngundurin dirilah, kam bisa bilang 

"Aku tahu ini risikonya. Tapi aku siap jalaninnya, karna aku mau ngasih penghormatan terakhir untuk Opungku, dan itu prinsip aku."

And I swear my face went ugly tight waktu dengar itu awalnya....But then I remember..they are my bestfriends, they will slap me, kick me, punch me, if I go out of the line, if I'm not on the right track, cuz' they love me deep enough to not let me mess up my life and stray.


So...if you have people yang emang bakal blak-blakan ngomong sesuatu yang bakal nyakitin kamu, tapi itu bener, dan deep down kamu juga tahu itu bener, please let your ego and walls down...and let them come and cabut dan buang semua sampah yang kamu simpan 'in your house'. 

Let them in.
Let them see.
Let them correct.
Cuz' it's all for the best of you.

And ini bagian termahal dari sebuah hubungan.
Untuk jadi babak belur untuk kebaikanmu.
Untuk jadi babak belur untuk balik ke jalan/pandangan/sikap yang benar.
Untuk jadi babak belur untuk memenuhi 'panggilan'-mu.

P.S. safe flight for me.

Bout to pay some cultural calling and duty for the lat time for my Opung. 🙏🏻🌻🕊️