They say...

when the heart is right, then the way will appear.
I guess it took me 29 years to truly acknowledge and understand that.

I feel like so many things in life are in the process of sorting or building at the moment.
In the middle of it all, I somehow have this strong belief that great things are taking place.
That things will work out even better that what I planned or what I ever dreamt and thought of.

Let's see how it turns out..

Fourth of July

Me : "Apa itu benda tajam, ya?"
Ibu : "Hmmm....coba dilihat dari jauh-dekat gambarnya."
Me : "Hmmm...Pistol ya, Bu."

***

I've met enough people to say that the world is indeed such a small place, and everyone is connected to everyone.

The other side of the coin is that life is very fleeting, and situations do change as the grass withers and flowers fade. 

Never had I imagined being so used to relocating from one place to another.
Never had I imagined I would be such a strong-willed, hard-to-defeat person.

Well, well, they say sometimes God shares the end-goal, other times He shares the very next step.
The in-between process should be surprises that grow our faith and character for the calling.

Anyway, I promise myself to take drum lessons after I'm done with my studies, or if during the process, I already know my way around, I will take at least one lesson a week.

The final goal is to play Fourth of July by Fall Out Boys. ✌

Is it even a dream if it's not big and scary enough to shake the innermost side of you at least just a wee bit? 😉

Wait a minute

I guess after all that has happened this past 1 year,
one thing I learn the most is to live in the mean time.

To fully live the current moment yet still working and holding onto hopes for the future.

Weirdly enough, despite the turbulances life throws, these calmness and steadiness are unshakeable.
My younger self would have been broken into pieces, turning into despair, and losing faith in the calling or in God's presence.
 

                                                                               ***

Dan bukan hanya itu saja. Kita malah bermegah juga dalam kesengsaraan kita, karena kita tahu, bahwa kesengsaraan itu menimbulkan ketekunan, dan ketekunan menimbulkan tahan uji dan tahan uji menimbulkan pengharapan. Dan pengharapan tidak mengecewakan, karena kasih Allah telah dicurahkan di dalam hati kita oleh Roh Kudus yang telah dikaruniakan kepada kita.

Roma 5:3-5 TB

 3Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5 NIV

***

In the mean time, I am waiting for an answer that will decide the course of not only the other half of this year, but also the rest of my life.
Excited for the unknown.
Hopeful for new chapters and characthers that may come along.

The long-time creeping question in me has been answered through a series of life experiences.

"God, am I strong enough for this calling You've put in my heart?"

No more guessing, no more doubts.

Yes, I am. 
Because if God says it, God will make the way, it will come to pass and we will see it through.

J A D E D

The last 5 months have been one of the most fast-changing periods in my life.
Not only regarding career or professional life, but also my internal locus.

I never knew how strong, resilient, and deeply rooted I am to my internal values until I faced some unexpected situations.
Thought I would fall hard and start questioning my decisions.
Instead, I was calm and solution-oriented.

Me: "Aku tuh dulu berpikir, karena Mama dan sepupu deket aku, proses pembentukannya dengan kehilangan orang tua. Aku sempat berpikir, apa aku harus ngelewatin proses itu juga ya untuk pembentukanku. Ternyata enggak. Pikiranku terlalu kecil untuk bisa menebak cara Tuhan."

Her: "Biasanya proses pembentukan itu adalah saat ekspektasi ga sesuai dengan kenyataan. Nah bisa berupa kehilangan orang tua, kegagalan, hubungan asmara yang berakhir. Tapi intinya adalah gimana menghadapi kenyataan yang ga sesuai dengan ekspektasi atau rencana itu."

So, whatever 2025 may bring, I know for sure it's a big change.
Not because I know exactly what's coming, but I know I have gone through one of the most transformative situations, and I'm glad to say that what come out of me during this time are desired and tested traits. 

Personally, I felt like, "Aghh... my core indeed is pure and unshakeable. Well, guess I had underestimated myself all along." :')

On another note,

I know for sure that having faith doesn't mean you never experience doubts or anxiety.
But having faith means you press on because you know He's got this.
And even though the storms seem scary, He is in the boat with you; not only that, 

He will calm them and ask you to sleep it in because He will get us to the land.       

 He always does.

FALL OUT G

Me: "Kenapa aku harus membuat seolah-olah aku harus sampai di titik tertentu dulu baru aku bisa menikmati hidupku?
Kenapa aku merasa baru bisa nulis blog atau bikin podcast lagi kalau aku udah ini atau itu?
Padalah sebenarnya, apa pun yang aku lewati sekarang, itu pun bagian dari prosesnya."

Her : "Padahal kalau Mbak Gladys tulisnya nanti, mungkin aja perasaannya udah ga sama lagi, mungkin aja waktunya udah enggak ada, atau bahkan ga ngerasa itu hal yang penting lagi karna ada hal lain lebih penting untuk dikerjakan. 
Bisa aja kalau Mbak Gladys tulis sekarang, orang lain atau Mbak Gladys sendiri akan mendapat pelajaran dari prosesnya, karna lebih manusiawi."

                                                        ***

Ibu: "Kalian itu ya, Dek, jangan seperti itu. Ke mana pun kamu pergi akan selalu ada orang yang di atas kamu. Akan ada orang yang di bawah kamu, dan ada yang sama seperti kamu. Tapi kamu tetap harus percaya diri bawa diri kamu..."

                                                        ***

Bapak: "Nanti kamu nikah di sini aja. Jadi orang sini."                                                  

                                                        ***

Me: "Aneh banget ya, umur segini aku meluruskan pandangan ku akan prinsip ku, apa yang aku mau, apa yang orang tua mau, apa yang aku anggap penting."

Her: "Sebenarnya wajar. Karena kamu ngabisin usia awal 20-an kamu untuk melihat banyak point of view, dari kuliah di Padang, kerja di Sumba, tinggal di Jakarta. 
Tentunya itu akan mengubah cara pandang kamu.
Sekarang tinggal proses mengungkapkannya." 

                                                         ***

A few scattered conversations I had with some people the last month.

I must say that 2024 has been nothing but transformation, realignment, and self-discovery for me. I used to think the top-notch of my 'shaping' experience was working at Sumba Foundation in a remote area with a different cultural background community and challenging health and infrastructure conditions. 

But my oh my, that is nothing compared to owning your journey, taking life with all the surprises it brings, and keeping your faith, values, and principles along the way. 

So to Glados, 

Let's take this journey day by day.

Let's take all the lessons we have for the future we believe God is preparing us for.

And please, LIVE THE MOMENT.

None of this is permanent, and none of this will be repeated.

So live it to the fullest, live it as your first time, live it proudly, live it with all the lessons and questions you still have.

JUST LIVE IT NOW, LIVE IT (MIND)FULLY.

                       

"You'll find your way

And may death find you alive."

- Fall Out Boy; Uma Thurman

CREDITS

Hi, everyone.

It's your girl, Gladys, who mentioned writing a series on a 2023 kaleidoscope and then showed up 7 months later. hahahhahaha 😆

Any way, I just finished a whole set of exams for residency program, now we just wait for the final result next month.
I think about writing this post and making a new long-overdue podcast episode after the result comes out. But then, I realized it would mean pausing my life.
When in reality, whatever I'm having at the moment, it is worth celebrating, worth giving credits for.

I had my department interview last Monday, and only after the interview did I realize that I have been doing a lot.
I swear, before that, even when I was preparing my CV for the application, I always thought little of myself. Like "Who am I, a general practitioner working for a small NGO in a remote island?" or "They must be looking for doctors with a big-hospital experience." or "Who would take my work experience seriously?"

Only after the interview did I realize I had been thinking so little, so small of myself. :')

Only after that did I realize I have been working in (tropical) infections for so long; even my undergraduate research was on HIV testing programs for pregnant mothers.

Then I joined the Sumba Foundation; at that time, malaria wasn't part of my interest.
But then again, it was not only malaria; I've had the chance to understand more about the health system, telemedicine service, leprosy, tuberculosis, even having the chance to care for Hirshprung patients, Coxitis TB patient, a patient with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, one with congenital avascular necrosis on the tibia, even one with osteosarcoma.

"Menurut aku mimpi itu bertumbuh, Dys. Sama kayak kita, mimpi bakal bertumbuh dan berubah seiring proses kita." 

Those words could not be any more true.

As we grow, so does our dream.
As we course through life, our dreams get sharper and more focused.
It may not be something we had imagined or thought for ourselves.
But isn't it written: 

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him."

So, with this post, I'm taking the time to tell myself,

"You did great, Dys.
Cheers for all the journeys you've taken and to the new ones you're about to start.
Wherever God takes you to."

- G

 

[Untitled]

Hello everyone.
If my blog was a real person, I would have been the worst bestfriend she had. 
Coming once in a blue moon, especially in 2023.

Aku pikir quarter life crisis and adulthood akan semakin 'ringan' di setiap bertambahnya usia.
Jokes on me. 
Like who am I kidding.
IT DOESN'T. 
Life in fact gets a lot more complex, with a lot more sides and flavors to it,
and clearly all the strings attached. ahahahah

I was texting Mama Laura, telling how I feel lonely after 6 months living alone in Jakarta.
While on the other hand, I don't really like crashing for too long at a relative's or a friend's, and coming home to Medan is only great for a maximum of 2 weeks (IYKYK) ahahahhaha

Additionally, at this age, some of my friends already in a marriage, some with kid(s), some are doing schools, overall doing their own lives with their own struggles and hustles. 

So it does get lonely from time to time.

Ditambah lagi, aku dengan kepribadian yang ga suka dan ga nyaman untuk cerita sama orang, dan very selective on personal plans and aspirations.

Akhir-akhir ini aku sadar, part of it karna aku sadar our society doesn't really confirm 'diversity of life choices', when many of my life choices have been if not unconventional, questionable.. ahahahahah

Kayak kalau aku boleh bilang ke temen-temen yang sebenernya aku deket tapi aku ga pernah cerita apa-apa kecuali kalau ditanya atau aku ngerasa kondisnya nyaman untuk bercerita:

"It's not you, it's me and my trauma of having to be belittled or questioned for my choices" 

So, don't take it personally. 

I guess hal yang aku suka dengan 'bertambahnya usia' adalah penerimaan dan pengenalan akan diri yang jauh lebih baik, di samping melihat hidup dari lebih banyak sisi.
Other than of course 'the lesser piece of mind' I give for many things ahahhahaha.

High-school and college-year Gladys would think 2023 Gladys is a badass for this. 
AHAHAHHAHAHAHA
All the overthinking and overplanning sides of VIRGO, with the traits of first-born daughter from a Batak family that doesn't have any boy.
So yeah, no wonder ahahahaha.

I'm planning to have a blog series on 2023 kaleidoscope.
Not that my 2023 has been all flowers and butterfly, but it's been one of the most life-changing period.
So, until the next post my dear bloggie-bestie,
Good night.

G