Next To Me

Dear my blog, I've been bad for abandoning you this whole time...I'm sorry.

Here's a story I wanna share, I hope that it'll be useful for may be my friends or whoever read it.

I have shared in my this post about what has been going on my personal life.
But I guess that post hasn't really sain everything out and put things on their places.

#in one of my conversations with Kak Abeth-my cousin
Her : "..you don't even wan't to be a doctor.That's what your mom tells you to be.You like fashion.."
Me : " I don't know.."

I spent time thinking about what I really love and what I wanna be doing for living and in my life.
For I'm not the kind of person who doesn't like people knowing what my 'real' problems are. I usually just ask Mom or Kak Abeth about them. Since my mom is not gonna give me other answers but "to be a doctor", so I had been avoiding her from talking about future plans,or in my case, university plans.

                                                                        ***

Since long time ago, being a doctor has been pledged in me. And unfortunately, I hadn't used the right portion of time knowing what I really want.

When I was on the tenth grade, we (my mom and I) thought going to University of Indonesia was the best for me. Until I was faced with the 'real' world of University of Indonesia. The reality that they set real high passing grade. And from the try-outs I've had, I still need about 20% more to pass it.

Then, the SNMPTN came. This enables  high school students to get in government's universities without exams, they'll just look at your academic results on school and the kind of non-acedemic achievements you have. So, on this selection, we (mom and I) decided to put University of Gadjah Mada (UGM) and University of Sumatera Utara (USU) as my choices. We're still waiting for the results which come out on the 28th of May.

Starting from early May, I'm on an intensive preparation program for SBMPTN, the written test to get in university. My course sets that every week we have try-outs.Until now, I have taken them for 3 times. But the third result hasn't come out. The fisrt and second were my consideration on choosing which university I'll go to if I don't pass the SNMPTN.

My passing grade has been just around 40s% , but UGM's medical school's passing grade is 56,07%. Still far. So I decided to consult with my mom about other universities that are much more 'reachable' for me.

Me : "Mak, lihatlah.Ini hasil try-out ku, trus ini daftar passing-grade yang baru."
Mom : "Iya.Kenapa?"
Me : "Passing gradeku cuman antara 40an aja, apa ga aku ambil aja Fakultas Kedokterannya Universitas Udayana, passing gradenya cuman 42%..."
Mom : " Udayana, di Bali itu kan. Mau ngapain kau di sana?! Biaya hidupnya mahal itu. Bagus kau ambil Riau, dekat. Ga sampek 24 jam kalok kau mau pulang ke Medan."
Me : "Ngapain aku di Riau?"
Mamak : "AH! Kau pikirlah Dys. Udah dewasa kau. Jangan ga bisa kau dikasih tau."

Well percakapan aslinya, somehow, lebih intense. But that is much of how it was.

That felt like a hard slap on my face.

"What is it now? 

Now that when I feel ok about going to a medical school, I can't go where I wanted."

I cried.
I thought of how these university things have got in my friends' nerves when it didn't really do the same with me ( that time). How I wondered why my friends needed to consult with Pak Malau (my former math teacher) about which majority to take.
How I thought it was somehow weird.

And now it came for me. Worse, I can't consult with Pak Malau now. There I was, alone in my bed, crying. Left me to no other choice but to pray. All I know, I fell asleep and I had a really odd but vivid dream. 

In my dream, I was in a church's area. 

And there was a man, he was old but not 'grandparents' old.

He was greeting all the congregants coming in the church.

I was sitting on a bench, when the old man came to me.
He asked me what was wrong that I didn't come straight in the chruch.

Then, I was telling him all my problems. I was shocked of how I was reacting to him. 

It freaked me out, for I'm not the type of person who talks to stanger about my problems.

But I have never been so open and sure about my problems, my feelings, my wants.

And the old guy was giving me the look that he FULLY understands all of them. He didn't even give me any sign of commentings or disagreements. 

I remember this part of our conversation :

Me : "Why do I have to make this decision? I'm just 17. I don't know what to choose..."
Him : " You're still a kid. You should talk to your mom about what you want."
Me : " She'll never understand."
Him : " Come on. Let's get inside. I'll help you."

Trust me, even until I wake up the next morning, I was still shocked.
How in world I had that dream?!
And moreever, how could I felt calm after what happened with mom.

Few days after that, I started to have some clear mind to really think about what happened and what my mom really meant. I finally realized that Mom's right. Although, I know for sure I don't wanna go to Riau.  But she's right about the life expenses in Bali and its distance from Medan.

It was Monday afternoon after I had my private learning, and I was sitting next to my Mom while she was watching some news, she said..

Mom : " Kalau kau ga lulus SNMPT, berati kau harus kerja keras lah ya Dys buat SBMPTNmu."
Aku : "Iya lah mak.."
Mom : "Ya udalah, buat aja lah pilihanmu USU, UDAYANA,sama RIAU."
Aku :  "..." #shocked What just my Mom said?! AM I HALUSINATING?!
Mom : " Kau maunya Udayana kan? Ambil ajalah itu sama Riau.."

WHAT IN ALL THE UNIVERSE JUST HAPPENED?!

What was I feeling at that very moment?!

I FELT SO HAPPY that I WANTED TO CRY. I can't make sense of it.
How after last Tuesday night, we had arguements about these, and now just 6 days after that, my mom changed her opinions.

Looking at it now,
I think that old man on my dream really did HELP me.
He helped my understand what I want.
And yes, he helped me talk to my Mom.


So, I AM going to a medical school. I really hope it'll be UGM.
I LOVE MAGAZINES.They're my text books.
I love entertainment world.
I love making reviews about new movies, TV series, Hollywood stars, new singles.
I love it.
I love dresses.A lot of them.
Although my mom still doesn't get it now, may be someday she will. :)

"When the skies are grey and all the doors are closing

and the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe

 well,all I need is a hand to stop the tears from falling

I will find him, will find him next to me"

By the way, this is my parents' party invitation :)

It Gets Better

To all of you who read or accidentally stumble upon this post.

I was actually "out-of-date" about this news, until I watched Glee Season 3 on DVD.
The story about Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14-year-old boy who committed suicide because of bullyings he got and the fact that no one actually took an action even after posting his It Gets Better video.

I'm not gay nor bi-sexual
I'm writing this as my own calling after reading news about teens committing suicide because of bullyings.

No one deserves to be bullied for what they are, and neither do gays.        All of us deserve the rights to live peacefully and feel secured.                   I know that there's no religion approves of gays (LGBT). But,I also know that, THERE ARE SOME THINGS that WE-HUMEN, can not solve nor understand. Because it's not ours to solve.Then stop trying!                                             If you think forcing your 'idealism' will fix it, you're wrong! Just stop!             Let everyone live their lives in their own ways.                                       How many MORE teens will have to commit suicide until we take a stand?

Stop blaming the 'society'!                                                                        WE ARE THE SOCIETY!                                                                                         Make the change now, starting from 'the man in the mirror', starting from myself, starting from ourself.  

Vitamin for Crying

For the first time in my 17-year-life I took vitamin due to crying :0

well, that may be exaggerating a bit :p

But still I took vitamin today not because I got a fever or cold. (ga penting banget sih Dys!!-_-")

                                                                          ***

Any way, last month (December) I was so surprised,excited,happy (dalam bahasa Indonesia--> MENGGILAK KEGIRANGAN) when I found out that my all-time-favorite-singer, Adam Lambert  was coming to Bali on 31th of December and to Jakarta on 10th of March.

My mom was okay to allow me see the concert on March for not only the price was(and still is) reasonable but also it'd be in Jakarta, but with one condition I was not going by myself but with a 'supervisor' or someone who I know and knows Jakarta well enough.

Like I said on my OLDER post, "I'm used to being asked and mocked for being a fan of Adam" that in other words means "IT IS HARD TO FIND ANOTHER GLAMBERT IN MY SOCIETY". 

Since 2012 was a year of "unexpected new things" and "passion" , and this year is  probably all about "hardwork", "making my calls" , "facing EXAMS" and "going to UNIVERSITY" , so I got a bit 'confused' like "am I sure I wanna be a doctor?" , "is this what I wanna do for the rest of my life?".

On the Family's Christmas Celebration, we ( my mom,dad,and I) got a bit intese talking about my future path.Long story short, I was told to think about it.

I took me about 2 days to really think what I want in my life.

If I was going to study English Literature or The International Relation at university, my opportunities would not be as many as if I was going to study Pre-Med. 

And believe me, I still have that calling to be "The Next Desy Anwar" ;P 

I still and will always love performing. And I promise myself, I'm gonna fulfill that dream and passion.

I just have a different start-line.

Until the new year's eve, this "Adam's Concert" , "passing exam" and "going to uni" were still on my nerves.

I still couldn't find any Glambert from Medan that was going to the concert and none of my school friends actually loves Adam that much that they want to see it too.

I was also struck to realise I hadn't prepared myself for National Exams nor The University Entrance Selection.

There I was, shocked and hopeless about all my plans.

I hadn't been spending much time praying that time, and I found myself helpless.

So on my new year's eve prayer, I litterally said :

"God, please let me meet Adam fo at least once. Let me see his concert. It's been 3 years of waiting, and now he's coming here, I just REALLY want to meet him. And God, I know that UI is a huge university, and the passing-grade is really high, but please help me get in. It'd be nice to have a better quality education and to make mom happy...."

 I came to a 'smart' idea that If I can pass my try-outs and show Mom how much I've been working hard, maybe she'll let me go without the compulsary to find a supervisor-friend.

A week passed, still no sign of Glambert from Medan and no sign of Mom letting me go.

I was sooo tired for bringing too-many books on school's firdt day, and  also the hot weather in Medan just made it worst. 

So when I reached home and lie on my bed, I went straight to sleep (nap).

And, I donno why, when I opened my eyes, all I felt was desperate.

''Can't you see it Dys?! THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA GO TO THAT CONCERT.THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA MEET ADAM LAMBERT. THAT'S JUST A DREAM. ALL OF IT. LUCK DOESN'T COME TO YOU!"

After that, I just (stupidly) started to CRY. 

And the thing about me crying is when I cry, my eyes and lips will turn really reddish.

Until I decided to take a bath, I was still crying.

I sat and thought that all of my hopes were useless.

My lil-sister came up-stair and saw me with my reddish nose.

Cia : "Kau sakit ya kak?" / "You've got a cold?"

Me : "huh?"

Cia : " Matamu merah,hidungmu merah..." / "Your eyes and nose are reddish"

***

Mom : "Makan bodrex kalau flu.." / "Take some Bodrex if you've got flu"

me : #in my mind# wow I'm taking vitamin because I cried.What a year!

#sitting with Mom

Me : "So, say I find a friend to the concert, I'll still be not allowed to go?"

Mom : " Yes. You still can go Adam's concert next time, Kid. Hopefully, that's your luck. (we don't want) you to not graduate from high-school just beause that concert "

That time, I was imagining of a plane-missing-and-crashing accidents in Indonesia which are many.

May be deep down, I already knew this would come when I wrote my 2013 Wish-List yesterday....

this is the video I've been watching for times these past 3 nights ;)

btw, Happy 17th Birhtday to my dearest friend,Judika.

Best wishes for you,Aniek :* 

Ampunkanah kenarsisannya! :o

Aniek-Nova

hap! Lalu dimakan! Boksu Kia a.k.a Tertia 

Olga and Aniek ;)

-a silly pose worth a thousand words- :)

The (only) BRO we've got :p

Our super (narcisstic) model :p

some words from me :p

before

After ;)

                                                                    

Crafting Technique

Dear diary,
hemm...how do I start??

How about my Peresmian Logo.
Peresmian Logo is a kind of tradition in my school, in case you don't know, Methodist-2 Medan.
Every senior class is "asked" to make their own class' name, their own class yelling. They will decorate one class and provide food for people who come to their class. And one more, they have to design their own class dress.

Then, on one specific day of December, our headmaster's gonna officially 'annouce' our classes' names.

So, ada banyak banget yang terjadi sebelum hari H.
You know, working with a bunch of people that come from different backgrounds,point of views, wants, needs- it really takes your tolerance.

Buat waktu" awal, aku emang gak terlalu ngurus tentang this Peresmian Logo thing.
My friends came with names, and it was informed to the whole class, then we'd do the voting.

Our first name was HETORIOUS.
It stood for "HEritage sTORIes Of US" .
I liked it.But then we changed it for most of us didnt think it quite reflex our class.

Then one of my friends came with DISCO.
Honestly, I had no idea about the name- its meanings,what it stood for- when I was first told about it.
It turned out that my class had this "class meeting" on Saturday 8 Sept, when I was absent for the first time in my High School history due to my cousin's wedding.

DISCO was the abbreviation of Developing Inside Super Creative Outside.
This time, it seemed like the right name for our class.
We had already planned our dress,our class' decor, our yelling songs.

Tapi, namanya takdir, it was middle of November, when Bapaknya Aniek a.k.a Pak Manurung, said that

" Ini tidak benar ini. Ini sesuatu yang buruk dipaksakan jadi baik.Ini ga bisa. DISCO itu kan identik dengan dunia malam. Gimana kalok orang nyambungkan 'tik' di belakangnya?! Jadinya DISCO-TIK!! Saya beri kalian waktu 1x24 jam untuk ganti nama kelas kalian"

Jujur, waktu itu aku sangaattt-amaattt-ammaattt-sangaaat MARAH!
Sampek-sampek aku sempat 1 harian rasanya pengen lempar gelas ke kantor BP sekolah kami yang super kolot cara berfikirnya!!

Dea : "Marah kali kau ya?"
Aku : "Iyah! Aku kesel kaliii...Bapak itu seenaknya aja masuk ke kelas kami dan tiba-tiba bilang kalok nama kelas kami ga layak! Emang dia pikir buat nama itu cuman 1 hari lansung jadi. Emang sih itu bukan ideku, tapi aku tau capeknya buat nyari nama itu! Aku ga suka kalok orang ga nge-hargain karya orang lain!!Arrrgghhh!!"

Hard time.
But we survived.

It was 3 or 4 days later, after asking for more time to think- we came with our REAL NAME.

CAMEO
It's not Spanish nor Italian.
It's English.
If you look up the dictionary, it says that Cameo : /n/  1. short part in a film or play for famous actor 2. short piece of descriptive writing 3. piece of jewellery with a raised design, usu of a head.

Our CAMEO is taken from the 3rd meaning.
And it stands for Camarederie in Melodramatic Sience One.
In Indonesian the whole meaning is Persahabatan yang Terukir di Kelas IPA 1 yang Spektakuler.

I like it.

I had those times when I felt mentally and physically exhausted.I had that 'errupting' moment...when I actually showed my anger... :p
I had those calculating and thinking how we provide our food without taking too much money from our class saving.
I had it all.

Our class

That's our Daddy Gee :)

Just a moment doing silly thing with my bro, Jonathan ;)

At the end , whatever happened on that day, that's it!
None of us can turn back time and change thing that we think was not good enough.

And I had a moment where I got to see something that people may have been covering up.
I dont always know what to do. But I know that sooner or later, what you try to hide is gonna come up and show itself.

Let Me Sign

hey blog!!!..it's been a looongg while.

I have so many things to write, to tell, to be gotten out of my mind.

Life, these past 3 months, has been passing so damn fast.

There's always a long list of things to do. A lot of expectations to be fulfilled.

And I just can't take it all by myself.

I'm scared. What if this thing I'm doing right now is leading me to a worse situation?

And  I feel like skipping this part, but who do I think I am to skip time?!

                                                                 ***

Aku selalu suka dunia entertainment. I love the cycle of starship. I love seeing new talents found. I love the spotlight. I love performing. I love dancing like crazy to no music at all. I love my singing although I know I miss on many notes :p .  Writing to my, is like a dope. That even if I haven't used it for a long time, I still crave for it. I find it easier to express my thoughts through writings than speaking to people -who I know will sooner or later, in front or behind my back- will critize me.  I love every single song that i've been singing for countless times.  I'm always amazed by great people's stories. How they follow their hearts, and hell yeah the roads have never been without pot-holes, but they keep on going, keep on fighting, believing in themselves. I'm no jenius. I'm no powerful. I'm no politician, and I can never see myself as one. I'm no sociallite. I'm no role-model. I make mistakes. My naieve-nature has always brought me to a place I never expected. To heart-breaks, dissapointment,and anger for many times. Sometimes, I wish I could let myself fantasize about things. About living in a huge, looked-like palace house. About having a boyfriend like every girl wants. About living somebody's life. But even if I close my eyes now, and asked to imagine the things I wanna do.

I imagine myself wearing a beautiful little dress, a pair of adorable strap-heels, talking to Adam Lambert on the red carpet. From there I can see Paramore, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift and many others walking the carpet and stop for some camera-time. 

 I find Desy Anwar's job -interviewing people with different stories-, exciting. To actually talk and share thoughts with people who right now I can only know from Wikipedia, people whom I think jenius, people with passion and principles.  

I dont blame my parents for "hoping" me to become a doctor. I will do it for them. 
But I can never hide my passion and curiousity to this world called “entertainment”.    

The Red Cut

Man!!
Where have I  been for the last 27 days that I didn't post anything on my own blog?! :O

Any way, ada banyak bangggeeett cerita I wanna share about..
but let's start with the (ussual) STUPID things happened to me :

#di salon lagi di cuci rambutnya buat creambath

kakak" salon : "ini mau pake apa?"
aku : #aku yang NOTA-BENE-nya GA PERNAH ke salon kecuali buat pesta (BATAK sekali :p), pangkas poni atau rambut,which FYI, I did months agooo... "ehmm...pake apa maksudnya?"



kakak" salon : "yah mau pake gingseng,lidah buaya, kopi, coklat, wartel,..."
aku : #lansung nyambung "ouh..COKLAT aja!!"
kakak" salon : "tapi kalok coklat itu MASKER bukan CREAMBATH.."
aku : #BAHASA PLANET MANA LHAGI INIH?!! "emang apa bedanya masker sama creambath?"
kakak" salon : "kalok masker 40rb..kalok creambath 30rb.."
aku : #makin GA NGERTI... CARI JAWABAN PALING AMAN "erhh..kasih aja yang biasa MAMAKku pake..." 

then...terputuskanlah aku creambath pake AVOCADO ;)
yeyeyeyey!!! Not bad...it smells GOOD, even until now :D

I also had a new hair cut. Not so much different from the last one. But it's much neatier now :)

                                                                       ***
I am not exactly a fan of Taylor Swift, but I like her new album, RED.

My recomended songs : I know you were trouble, 22, We are never ever getting back together, Stay stay stay, The last time, Everything has changed and The lucky one.

Yeah.. most of them are mix of country, pop, electro-pop, or in another word, NEW SIDE OF TAYLOR SWIFT ;)

                                                                         ***

Like the song. Fall for the MV.. ;)

My new addiction, True Blood ;)

Alexander Scargard :*

Prepare yourself, we're gonna have the PREMIERRE in only 16 days :)

Glados

Gladys

You guys should listen to The Script's Hall of Fame (highly recommended) 

Good Night now peeps :)
have a sweet dream and sleep tight..

La La La

MY BLOOOGGG!!!!!!
I misss you!!!
I mIIIISSSS YOUU!!!!!
I MISSSSS YOU!!! :***

These past couples of weeks have been CHERAAAAZZYYYY!!!
So manyy up-coming events.
This Friday and Saturday night, we'll perform our Gue Gak Mau School.
I'm having Biology monthly exam this Saturday. GO Try Out tommorow...and frankly, I haven't prepared  like ANYTHING!!!! :O
We (all the M2 students) are working on ourn own class' name and logo..and IT'S NOT ALWAYS SMOOTH :p
And i am part of the Farewell Party committee :p

Sekedar info...aku (kena penyakit) kegatelan... #gaPENTINGbanget :p

#lagi makan bareng B5
aku : "woi...keknya aku kena gatal-gatal lah..liat nih.." #nunjukkin lenganku yang banyak pulau-pulau merahnya
amoy : #gaya dukun beranak "ehm...BIDURAN ini..."
nova : "iyah..biduran itu..jangan kena angin lah..."

One thing I learnt on last September, 

"CRUSHING on someone is a wonderful feeling. It fills your heart with the spirit, you didn't realise you've got.It turns you into an optimistic one.It's nice.."

And truth be told, I loved it but right now, I'm too occupied with other things. And I know, the possibility of beeing broken-hearted (again) IS NOT WORTH at THIS MOMEMT.. ;)

My Figure for English Assignment ;)

Mom's birthday...it was actually her 42 B'Day, but I accidentally asked candles for 43 :p