Pernah ga sih..

kamu ngerasa bahagia banget sampek kamu nangis sendiri karna nyadarin kalau kamu bahagia?

Or it's just me and my melancholic side. 😂

But, after coming home from a friend's wedding party, as I laid myself on my bed, I was just recapping the day in my mind, and I realized how happy I was. So happy with my situation, all of it, dalam hal apa pun, baik yang aku punya atau yang aku enggak punya. I was peacefully happy, or may be the right word to describe the feeling would be I was content.

Then, memories of me lying on my bed crying, feeling hopeless, feeling like I didn't wanna go to the hospital, feeling so small came flashing back.

Cuz' I still can remember that time vividly.

But, weirdly the more vivid the flashbacks in my mind, the more amazed I feel.

I feel amazed by how God turned my condition. I felt so unworthy at that time,  yet He keeps pouring His love to me, mending my heart, and restoring my life.

Bener sih kata orang, bakal beda banget kalau kamu ngalamin sendiri dibanding kamu cuman dengar cerita orang, testimony orang.

Bener kata-kata : "Taste and see that The Lord is good."

He really is.

And I always hope and pray that you also feel and acknowledge His love in your life. 

a quiet place

it took me some time untuk bisa mengakui kalau I am not at peace right now.
kalau dalam hati, aku punya rasa ga terima, kesel ke Abba.
kayak "kenapa harus susah? kenapa harus bertubi-tubi? where's the reward, the promised land?"

tapi di satu sisi, aku juga sadar, what I'm asking from Him, emang bakal dan harus put me through a lot...'cause I wasn't  just asking for me...

so.. I'mma take some quiet time...where I will have a growth and prayer buddy to keep me accountable.
I'm doing this for me...untuk punya hati yang tenang, yang selalu berkomunikasi dengan Abba, yang mau dengar suara-Nya.

Aku sadar sekarang,

kalau sebenarnya apa yang terjadi,

adalah jawaban atas doa-doa yang dulu aku minta,

jauh saat keadaan masih sangat bertolak belakang, 

dan saat yang aku tahu hanya meminta karna itu yang aku rasa di hati.

Tapi sekarang aku bukan hanya meminta, 

karna sekarang aku sedang menjalani  'the required work' untuk apa yang aku doakan.

M e e t m y f r i e n d, ACNE.

I never thought I would be posting this thing.

Because I kinda just wanted to keep it secret, 'cause I felt embarrassed of it.

But it's almost 2 years now, since I had my first acne vulgaris flare.

So, here's what happened just now.

I was eating in a warung ampera by myself, cause it's exam day and whenever it's exam, most medical students in Unand prefer staying ( and perhaps studying ) at home.

So. I was enjoying my meal, when I heard

Man : " Dek.."

Me :  #noleh ke asal suara

Man : " Anak saya dulu kayak kamu juga wajahnya. Percis. Merah juga."

Me : " Iya Pak....lagi diobati." #put a smile on it

Man : " Makan aja DEXAMETHASON sama CTM. Anak saya makan itu. 2 kali sehari. Hilang sekarang. Ga ada lagi..."

Truth be told, I didn't feel hurt nor embarrassed then, and not feeling it now neither.

Weird thing is, I am concerned of his kid.

How many DEXAMETHASON did she/he take? For how long?

Did he/she stop taking it just instantly?

How is he/she doing right now? → should've asked him this one. 😖😖😖

Dexamethasone is a corticosteroid drug. It's used for anti-inflamation, this' why the Man kid's acnes stop. It's usually prescribed for severe inflamatory, after organ transplantation, and in auto-immune disease, such as Lupus.

In Indonesia, people can get Dexamethasone in any drugstore without prescription.

The thing is, it HAS DANGEROUS SIDE EFFECTS.

You can not use it like any other drug.  It can suppress one's immunity, it can alter the ADRENAL secretion. 

And trust me, you don't wanna mess with the adrenal gland.

So....acne...

Acne vulgaris is a common chronic skin disease involving blockage and/or inflammation of pilosebaceous units (hair follicles and their accompanying sebaceous gland).  

- MedScape

And the etiologies of acne :

Intrinsic factors 
genetics
race
hormone

Extinsic factors
stress
climate/ temperature / humidity
cosmetic
diet
drugs

- Buku Ilmu Penyakit Kulit dan Kelamin 

Fakultas Kedokteran Universitas Indonesia

I come from a family, my mom's side, with oily-skin and acne-flare-in-young-adulthood history.

I, myself, notice that the acnes will come in the last week of my menstrual cycle.

I had acne flare last year, after applying a cream that my mom bought in he market. It didn't have any brand. It was yellow and rather shiny. 

After that, the flare just went crazy. I had it all over my face, and even it woke my up at night because of the pain felt in my face.

Truth be told, I was so embarrassed that I chose not to go out, wore a mask when I went to campus, minimized any unnecessary conversations with any one.

Yes I'VE BEEN THERE.

My Mom even went mad because I kept on whining about it.
She was like :

" Gak Pa, biar dia tau. Kalau sekarang Tuhan kasih kek gini, emang apa mau kita bilang. Emang kita mau terima yang enak aja dari Tuhan. Dikasih yang gak enak, lansung marah."

It was because I was acting so childish.

After that, I went on a dermatologist care, who is also my lecturer at campus.

It was from January 20th 2016 untill October 2016.

The medicatition did cost a lot. That was the time when Mom had to send me money 2 times my normal one semester expenses.

I stopped coming for more, when I was kept on beeing told to go on Derma Roller by the doctor.

Because that one cost like the price of a motorcycle. 👴👵

After I stopped, I was using Retinoid Acid cream. I still have acnes here and there, but it was still manageable, untill last week.

Whether it was due to the 6th week (one week before exam), my menstrual cycle, or my diet, the acnes was way more than I can take.

So, I went to another doctor. And today is day 6 of the medication. Right now my face is kinda redish and dark in some spots, due to the dead skin that hasn't pilled-off yet.

Well, having acne didn't just change my monthly expenses, or make me know how treatment can be so frustating and challenging.

But in this almost 2 year process, I've learnt :

1. To see me as I AM.

The flare-up. The calm phase. Family history. 

Things that I can not change as the way it is. I am working on making it better, but if it just doesn't when all the effort is given, then accepting the way it is, is the cure, at least for the heart.

2. To guard my own heart

Whenever people ask about it, or give advices, I try to remember they mean good.

It's me who have to make sure that I'm in peace with myself, what people say shouldn't matter.

The way I see my Acne Vulgaris now, is just like an ALLERGIC RHINITIS, or FOOD ALLERGY,  or ASTHMA.

How, some people wake up in the morning with runny nose and sneezes. Or how some people can't eat shrimp if they don't wanna find itchy, reddish, swollen skin,mouth, or throat.

Those are conditions people are born with.

All we can do is making sure we stay away from what may precipitate the 'attack.
And if it comes, handle it with good care. 

I know that I'm not always optimistic about my medication. There are times, when it gets tiring and boring. But I'm gonna remind myself with this post whenever that time comes. 

              🙏💪💋

xoxo

G l a d o s.

Upper Motor Neiked

Ola!👋👋💞

So as I promised, I’m gonna be more regularly posting. 

•  
•  

I just think, it’s nice to make a good habit and grow into a great one in it.  😉😜

So, Mama Laura ( my beloved Mamak 👩 ) has been PRODUCTIVELY flying Sumatra-Java back-and-forth for work. 
And last time, she went to Jogja, so I kinda begged to be sent b a k p i a , greentea and cheese flavoured, le favourite. 😁

And I just got the package this afternoon...

Me : “ Liph, makan yuk!”

Oliph : “ Gua dah makan Led..”

Me : “ Yahhh….”

Olipph : “ Coba liat itu apa disamping lemari..”

Me : “ARRGGHHHHHH… IT’S HERE!!!”

In case I'll be receiving more packages from a n y o n e #ngarep

alibi for school-day

The batik pant is so beautiful, but unfortunately I accidentally ripped the midline ;'(

I mean, they really set a side much money for the meeting hmmm..

The way-out...

I think these two will make my next Neuropsychiatry block more c o l o r f  u l

Go listen 👆👆

💋💋💋,

glados 

Dreadfully Awakened

ehmm

ehmmm

👀

👯

Hello everyone!!

How’s life?
Fantastic, I hope. 🙌🙆

I’ve come to the realization that all these burdens we think we have, are just a matter of mind-set.
A balance in study, family,  organization, spiritual relation, self-improvement, social , and  most-importantly (of course 👶👶 ) sleep is all that matter. 😸😺

See you as s o o n as possible, and hopefully as r e g u l a r as I can be.  

💙 & 💋,

G l a d o s

Glados, the e x p l o r e r .

Your new ID. 👄😽

U N S T E A D Y

Sometimes...holding on is just so hard to do and running away is so appealing.

But I guess, 

there's where hope and faith are needed the most.

To be patient when all I wanna do is run.

To believe that I can make it through when I'm just too tired of everything.

H O M E

So, I've been quiet...hehehe..
it's just I'm ,ovimg to a new place thus thrusday and right now I'm in my warehouse-looking-like room XD
Today was a day off, somehow we finally have a t total day=off in Medical School XD
And I was marathon-watching grey's Anatomy, hitting Season 3 Ep. 3 ow :( #I'mAProudWatcher hahahha
But this migrane I'm having is a good reminder that this is too much and I can use some cycling  tomorrow morning :)

May my moving-out plan goes smoothly.
May God bless my candidaturing this time.
May I grow into a kind and generous lady.

Goof night people.
xoxo, Glados.

After a few years of being alive...

xoxo, Glados.

In Her Polkadot Shoes

Hi everyone!
Happy International Woman's Day! :)

I've just finished marathoning 3 episodes of Carrie Diaries Season 2.. 
So last-year, i know. :p
But, the exitement of watching fashion spread in life-drama motions is always a temptation.

Comparing Carrie Diaries to Mr.Robot, House M.D. , or Vampire Diaries would be an unfair deed. I love each of them, in every possible different way they make me feel.
In Carrie, I'd be expecting a teenage-life drama, and also life of a suburban girl who dreams to be a great writer, and is working her way in a fashion magezine.

With Mr.Robot, I'd be expecting conflicts, mind-conflicts.
But in its own way, it excites me just like Carrie does.

I can say, if you were expecting real and unexpected TV drama, it wouldn't be Carrie Diaries.
I'd refer you to Game of Thrones and Mr.Robot.
But, if you were a girl, or a woman, who's on your way working on your dreams, Carrie Diaries would be a recommendation.
At the end of the day, little touch of fashion spread can never hurt a woman. :)

Happy Day People.
xoxo
Gladys.

Burning Heat

Hi everyone..

It's February, and Padang is already heating like burning fire.

Mood is always the-sun-is-scary-outside-I'll-just-stay-home.

You know it's nice to know who you really are.

Even if you're a jerk, it's a good thing.

And sometimes, embracing it is one of the greatest value one can have.

Let's strip.

It's the regeneration time in every student organisation in campus.

And honestly, it's also the "SICK-OF-IT" phase.

This lately I've been like "should I apply?" "what will I get?" "what if I get bored in the middle and ruin stuff?" 

But now I'm just like "Whatever."

There will come a time I know exactly what I want and why I want it.

Bang Yanda : " Gladys, kamu tuh kritis, bagus. Tapi kamu kurang CIMSA. "

One of the conversation we had in Project Team gossiping meeting time.

At times I'm like " Should I smile and say hi to every CIMSA member I know, so it shows how much I love CIMSA? "

Especially in this regeneration time, I feel a bit biased if I wanna say hi to my senior in CIMSA and who is also the Executive Board. 

I'd say to myself  " What are you doing bitch? Trying to win their heart to vote for you, to trust you?"

So I end up keeping it to myself or just smile. -_-"

I know.

But, whatever.

I also understand that appreciation is a must.

I mean it's not a big thing to say "thank you" or "you've been a good help".

For nothing people do to us is really his compulsary.

So, yeah in the middle of the boiling afternoon in Padang, I wish you all a happy and joyfull time for the rest of the day.

XOXO

Gladys Olivia

IMMORTAL HARVEST

Dear bloggies,

I'm soo happy, more precisely relieved that I HAVE FINISHED MY SPECIFIC CIMSA NATIONAL HRD TEAM JOBDESK!!!

YAYNESS!!

I started doing it on Sunday night and stayed up until 3 a.m. Luckily I was having sleepover at Nadrah's...so I didn't fall asleep on the fisrt hour! XD

And thanks to Jo for helping me make sure that no one of the delegation gets double listed...and Kak Wiry, the national HRD Director of CIMSA.. Yay!! :D

Now, that I think about my not-going-October-Meeting-of-CIMSA in Semarang, it's a bit of sorrow.

But, I've made my mind, and I'm going home ( Medan ) this week. If I were going to Semarang, no way I could go home too. :p

Of course, I prefer going home (NOW, with some circumtances)....

Since by going home :

1. I GOT FREE FOOD
I know for those who live with their parents will find this a joke. But man, even if you are not facing money deficiency, HOME-MADE FREE FOOD HAS NO DEFEAT!! 

2. I GOT TV, REFRIGERATOR, MY MOTOR
And I get to wear my sassy skirts!! hahahah ;) 

3. I AM CURRENTLY CRAVING FOR RAMEN AND BURGERS
Yes there are ramen shops and burgers available in Padang..but whatever..every thing tastes wayyy better at  home town. XD

ME :     #sending Harvest link to my closest friends and Mamak via LINE

              " Mak..liat..keren kali bakery nya..Pengen punya kek gitu nanti..."

Mamak : " Iya nak.Keren. Kalau punya yang kayak gitu, mamak bagian yang rasainnya                   aja lah.."

I've always been IN LOVE with sweet food, especially cake, desserts, bread, chocolate,

So big my love for sweetness that it has infected Dea 

Dea : " Kau tau Dys,aku udah ketularan kebiasaan makan manismu. Kawan-kawanku                ngerasa aneh aku makan manis sama yang manis juga. Orang itu belum ketemu            kau aja."

At the momet, I'm in the middle of my Reproductive Block exam...and I just had exam this morning.

The next exam is on Friday and I'm flying to Medan in the afternoon.

Hopefully everything goes smoothly.

And...you know what I was trying to have polite introduction with someone..then I guess I should have just cut straight to the point..with asking whether he would teach me how to do Corel Draw and Photo Shop. 

Currently on repeating-mode 

harvestcake.com

FTALE

 

Hi blog!

I think I've sain a gazilllion times how I'm sorry for not having written anything, but it's just that having your own personal journal makes you forget a "public" one. XD

Some recaps about life..
I've been back here, in Padang, for a month now.
And at the very moment, I am studying complication in pregnancy, specifically and medically speaking Pre-eclampcia and Eclampcia.

And,the fact that September is coming always thrills me..hahahah..
I know...I know..how childish of me.
But the truth is I love my birthday.
Not about the presents, although who wouldn't be happy to receive a new free thing. hahaha.
But, it's a day of celebrating my existing, and a day to remind me that I've had another one-year journey. ;)

So...
I would love to share about fairytale now.
Dea loves BARBIE, I LIKE BARBIE.
But, I never love her/ them.
It's not her blonde hair, or skinny body that makes me jealous, it just I don't get her that way. #apaSIHdys -_-"

Anyway...
My fairytale kinda movie is FRIENDS WITH BENEFIT.
I know I've posted about this movie like when I was still on my third year in high school.
But I'M IN LOVE WITH IT.
And stupidly cry watching it.

I feel like chanelling the movie in some spots..hahahha..
Or maybe that's just how I see relationship should be..openess,freedom,passion,honesty,history, and irony of life.

You know I join  LIGAMENT, an english club in FK, and we had our meeting last Friday.
We were discussing about anger and ambition.

When I was asked about what in the modern life that makes me angry, I answered
" The fact that people like to mind others' bussiness. Being so nosy about others."
And I also said " I don't want people to know my private life that much. It's like the less you share, the less people know, the more curious they become, the more valuable you become."

Weird thing is I always love writing.
To express my feeling. It was never something to be nervous about for me to write.
And writing this sometimes makes me wonder if some people read and start to wonder what happened to this girl.hahahah..
But I managed to not giving a care anymore.
writing makes me happy, and so I do it.

You know those are just my jungling mind.

 

Black Magic

Hi bloggie!

it's the end of July and also the end of my 3-week-holiday in Medan.

I'mma head back to Padang on Sunday afternoon.

It's funny when holiday is almost over, I just feel like laying on my bad, watching Orange Is The New Black, or just switching through the TV channels. XD

But, for tomorroow, I think I have list o do :

1. Clean the house (my main job whenever I'm home) :D

2. Eat lontong pagi and serabi (must-have breakfast meal whenever I'm home) :p

3. Start reading my jobdesk as HRD Team CIMSA

4. Out with Mamak and Cia, I'm craving or Pizza Boy and  burger..guess those will be my lunch 

5. Buy my ticket 

6. Packing my stuff 

Thank you for my fantastic holiday God.

It has been fulfilling my heart.

May I head back to Padang with a fighting spirit and a surrending heart. 

Dumb NaNaNa

Hi bloggies!
I don't remember when was the last time I blogged XD
hahahha..

Any way,
Good news, I got in the Project Team of CIMSA FK Unand 2015-2016!!
Thanks God.
And today, I'll be having SCOPH's upgrading called iTunes :)

And, I'd really love to talk about this (not so new) series I love, THE NEW NORMAL. ;)
I love the story, it's not heavy like Vampire Diaries, Game of Throne, especially True Blood.

And I think it has some really good life lesson and also criticism especially about how the society treats LGBT.
I'm not exactly the best person on ignoring what people think and say about myself, but love is love.
Other than that is none of our freaking business, moreover our judging.


And ughh...this song really beats my head this lately. :)
So, Happy Sunday.

XOXO, Glados.

My Half Papachunk

Hi people.

It's Tuesday and tomorrow I have my second meeting of tutorial.
That means I gotta finish my LO now, but I really feel like writing right now.

These past 3 days, since I had my interview, has been so mind-distracting for me (I'm not sure it's the right word, but whatever, it's my blog boo) :p

Since it's the "changing season" in all UKM (student activity centre) in FK Unand, so there are new faces and some faces that didn't get the place/position they wanted, or hoped for.

I just wanna say,

It's the most human thing to be dissaponted.
If somehow I didn't get what I had hoped and worked for and I just didn't feel any dissapointed nor sad, that means I am one hypocrite.

So, for whatever it is, I'd like to be absorbed in sadness than fake and let it hide somewhere until in just BLOW OUT sometime.

And I learnt something from my nutrition lecturer. 

dr.Delmi : " Let see, all of you must be the 10 to 15 ranked in your old school.. If you were the first in general rank, you wouldn't be in here, you would be in UI or ITB."

That was, seen from on part, rude.
But, that was also the truth.

But, I know for sure now, after spending one year in dentistry and being called grateless or greedy by people, there best we can do is to be grateful of what we have now.
But changing your plan, redesigning, and hoping for the future you wanna have are never greedy.

I've had times when I just called Mom and told her how I wished I weren't studying medicine and how I envy other people who study things that don't involved human,life,thick textbooks.
But here's what my Mom says:

"Why are you being so ungrateful?!
Didn't you remember the time you were in dentistry and thought 'how cool and huge it is to be a medical student?' And now God had given you the chance to get in with the fact that you didn't prepare that much and many people out there dying to be in your position!
Open up your eyes Dys.
Don't be enchanted too easily by what you see on the outside.
You think people who don't study medicine just live without problems.
They have their own, and so do you."

So yeah, what I really learnt is that I am human.
I can be blinded by what I see.
I can feel happyness,joy,pain, and despair. 
And to fake that I don't feel that way, is such misery.

And to be brave to show how I truely am is such a privilege I shouldn't let go.
My lecturer and Mom showed me that.

So, let me be the bitchy, the hyperactive, the noisy, the dreamy, the dirty-mouth, the loving, the careless, the messy, the feminine, the ambitious, the nervous, the hard-working, the moody lady that I am.

DEMONS

Everybody loves a clown, a comedian, one who makes fool of himself and makes others laugh.

But do peple really know that a clown, a comedian, they are the deeply hurt ones?

Hello bloggies.

It’s been too long since last time I post.

And it seems like everytime I post something it’s just around my college now.
hahahaha…so pathetic, I know.

But what else to say, I’ve pledged my life in studying human, the never ending mystery human.

These past three weeks I’m consumed by DANUS MFAF. 

Being part of DANUS, you gotta sell everything that brings money for your event. 

So you gotta have the “selling-mouth”.

And it also has been since these last 3 weeks, I gotta go home (or precisely go back to my always-missed room, here in Padang) feeling empty.
Tired. But I know I got things to do.
Wanting to call my family, but somehow I feel like I just need them here now, not by the phone.

So yeah.

Let me be this dramatic now.

Being apart from your home sucks.
Being in a place so different from yours sucks.
Not being around your loved family and friends sucks.

But, since it’s my life now, all I have now is just to lay all these in to His hands.

Dear you,
I feel so tired and empty.
At the same time I know you’re feeling exhausted.
I hate that I’m like water on a leaf.
I hate that I miss my friends and my family so much.
I hate that I need someone to hug so badly without feeling scared of what people may think.
I hate that  sometimes I think a break could make things better.
I hate that I can’t make myself see all the past things and just trust you.
Of all these things, I hate that it’s all true.

Lost Stars

  And God,tell us the meaning

  Youth is wasted on the young its hunting season

  And this lamb is on the hunt searching for meaning

   But all we are lost stars trying to light..light up the dark

- Adam Lavine, Lost Stars

Hi bloggies!

How you all doing? :)

Hope all of you are well. 

So, I just moved to Padang,Sumatera Barat, to study Medicine.

It's still part of Indonesia though, in case you don't know where Padang is. :p

I retook the SBMPTN and, with all praises and thanks to God, made it to my first option, Medical School of Andalas University.

I've been here since August 4, so it's been a week now. Mom accompanied me until last Trustday.

One of the reasons why I never posted anything for the last couple months was this, me retaking the SBMPTN. Truth is, since the second semester in Dentistry, I've registered to a Bimbingan Belajar, but  because of the schedules with my classses in Dentistry, I didn't come often. Or precisely, I came like once or may be twice in a week, and at some times in a month.

People at Bimbel always gasped at the fact at I would retake the exam.

Most thought I was doing an ungrateful and silly deed for not just staying in Dentistry.

There were much more comments than supports.

So, I thought it would be best for me not telling any one about the plan.

Just keep it to myself, my family, and close friends.

                                                                      ***

Now, here I am typing in my rent-room in Jati,Padan.

The day Mom left me to go back to Medan, it was my Ospek day.

So, when I arrived , my room was empty and dark.

It's sad how you thought you'd be just fine by yourself, and suddenly it just wasn't ok.

And, if my family calls me, it always fells like crying.

Crying to the fact that my family is only a four-membered-family, and now I'm away and alone.

Crying to the fact that I miss my Seksay Cia, my most-of-the-time-I-cant-make-sense-of  Mom, and my not-spending-much-time-talking-with Dad. 

And there are these three girls I also miss.

My friends, my sisters, Uci,There,Mumus.

I remembered the time we said what made us so close was that "We all seek for attention. And we all care for one another."

So, no one was put aside.

And, there's Dea, my bestfriend, who is now in Bali, for studying Food Engeenering.

Such a long step she took, and a brave one also.

And, my sister, Kak Abeth, to whom I'm still sorry for didn't make it to meet up on my last day in Medan.

I also miss you sister. 

Sorry for that time.

                                                                    ***

Padang is not a big city nor metropolitan. And it's much smaller compared to Medan.

But, I'm here not for the city. I'm here to study, to go back to Medan with "MD" titled at the and of my name.

What I know for sure now is that no matter if  the ones you expect to support your plan say NO. Or even if a total stranger tells you NO. But if you know for sure what and why you want it, just do it.

At least if we make mistake,it's our own. 

It's better to fail, than to give up before the battle even starts.

It's better to hope and believe all the things in God than letting people's thoughts to corrupt your guts.

And this what my physiology doctor said when we were studying about Nervous System back in Dentistry : 

" If you are to make a choice between a FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT condition, and if it's still possible, ALWAYS choose to FIGHT. Don't run away but FIGHT!"

This is Sera. She's from Papua and studying Medicine too. We share the same house now but different room. :)

            

Heheh..every one has SOME WISH TO-WORK-FOR LIST right? :p