M e e t m y f r i e n d, ACNE.

I never thought I would be posting this thing.

Because I kinda just wanted to keep it secret, 'cause I felt embarrassed of it.

But it's almost 2 years now, since I had my first acne vulgaris flare.

So, here's what happened just now.

I was eating in a warung ampera by myself, cause it's exam day and whenever it's exam, most medical students in Unand prefer staying ( and perhaps studying ) at home.

So. I was enjoying my meal, when I heard

Man : " Dek.."

Me :  #noleh ke asal suara

Man : " Anak saya dulu kayak kamu juga wajahnya. Percis. Merah juga."

Me : " Iya Pak....lagi diobati." #put a smile on it

Man : " Makan aja DEXAMETHASON sama CTM. Anak saya makan itu. 2 kali sehari. Hilang sekarang. Ga ada lagi..."

Truth be told, I didn't feel hurt nor embarrassed then, and not feeling it now neither.

Weird thing is, I am concerned of his kid.

How many DEXAMETHASON did she/he take? For how long?

Did he/she stop taking it just instantly?

How is he/she doing right now? → should've asked him this one. 😖😖😖

Dexamethasone is a corticosteroid drug. It's used for anti-inflamation, this' why the Man kid's acnes stop. It's usually prescribed for severe inflamatory, after organ transplantation, and in auto-immune disease, such as Lupus.

In Indonesia, people can get Dexamethasone in any drugstore without prescription.

The thing is, it HAS DANGEROUS SIDE EFFECTS.

You can not use it like any other drug.  It can suppress one's immunity, it can alter the ADRENAL secretion. 

And trust me, you don't wanna mess with the adrenal gland.

So....acne...

Acne vulgaris is a common chronic skin disease involving blockage and/or inflammation of pilosebaceous units (hair follicles and their accompanying sebaceous gland).  

- MedScape

And the etiologies of acne :

Intrinsic factors 
genetics
race
hormone

Extinsic factors
stress
climate/ temperature / humidity
cosmetic
diet
drugs

- Buku Ilmu Penyakit Kulit dan Kelamin 

Fakultas Kedokteran Universitas Indonesia

I come from a family, my mom's side, with oily-skin and acne-flare-in-young-adulthood history.

I, myself, notice that the acnes will come in the last week of my menstrual cycle.

I had acne flare last year, after applying a cream that my mom bought in he market. It didn't have any brand. It was yellow and rather shiny. 

After that, the flare just went crazy. I had it all over my face, and even it woke my up at night because of the pain felt in my face.

Truth be told, I was so embarrassed that I chose not to go out, wore a mask when I went to campus, minimized any unnecessary conversations with any one.

Yes I'VE BEEN THERE.

My Mom even went mad because I kept on whining about it.
She was like :

" Gak Pa, biar dia tau. Kalau sekarang Tuhan kasih kek gini, emang apa mau kita bilang. Emang kita mau terima yang enak aja dari Tuhan. Dikasih yang gak enak, lansung marah."

It was because I was acting so childish.

After that, I went on a dermatologist care, who is also my lecturer at campus.

It was from January 20th 2016 untill October 2016.

The medicatition did cost a lot. That was the time when Mom had to send me money 2 times my normal one semester expenses.

I stopped coming for more, when I was kept on beeing told to go on Derma Roller by the doctor.

Because that one cost like the price of a motorcycle. 👴👵

After I stopped, I was using Retinoid Acid cream. I still have acnes here and there, but it was still manageable, untill last week.

Whether it was due to the 6th week (one week before exam), my menstrual cycle, or my diet, the acnes was way more than I can take.

So, I went to another doctor. And today is day 6 of the medication. Right now my face is kinda redish and dark in some spots, due to the dead skin that hasn't pilled-off yet.

Well, having acne didn't just change my monthly expenses, or make me know how treatment can be so frustating and challenging.

But in this almost 2 year process, I've learnt :

1. To see me as I AM.

The flare-up. The calm phase. Family history. 

Things that I can not change as the way it is. I am working on making it better, but if it just doesn't when all the effort is given, then accepting the way it is, is the cure, at least for the heart.

2. To guard my own heart

Whenever people ask about it, or give advices, I try to remember they mean good.

It's me who have to make sure that I'm in peace with myself, what people say shouldn't matter.

The way I see my Acne Vulgaris now, is just like an ALLERGIC RHINITIS, or FOOD ALLERGY,  or ASTHMA.

How, some people wake up in the morning with runny nose and sneezes. Or how some people can't eat shrimp if they don't wanna find itchy, reddish, swollen skin,mouth, or throat.

Those are conditions people are born with.

All we can do is making sure we stay away from what may precipitate the 'attack.
And if it comes, handle it with good care. 

I know that I'm not always optimistic about my medication. There are times, when it gets tiring and boring. But I'm gonna remind myself with this post whenever that time comes. 

              🙏💪💋

xoxo

G l a d o s.