B-A-S-I-C n-e-e-d-s 💞

Dear diary,
how long have I been in therapy for now?
I guess long enough that I can start seeing progress of all the inner work I have done so far

some highlight convos I had with my therapist

Her: "Gladys kamu cuman kasih dirimu waktu tidur 4 jam?!"
Me:"Eheheheh..makanya Dokter harus bantu aku..ehehhe."

Her: "Siap-siap, skincare, pergi sekolah. Sarapannya di mana Gladys?"
Me : #silence
Her: "Ya di siap-siap ya...disempatin sarapannya.."

Her: "Haru presentasi juga ekspektasi ke diri sendiri."
Me: "Ouh..harusnya ekspektasi ke luar ya..?"
Her: "Kalau ekspektasi keluar, kamu bakalan berantam terus sama lingkunganmu, teman-temanmu."
Me: "Aku ga pernah berantam sama teman-temanku."
Her: "Iya, karna kamu ekspektasi ke dirimu, jadinya kamu berantam sama dirimu terus."
Me: #DalamAti iya lagi...iya lagi...

Her: "Itu kemajuan Gladys."
Me: "Iya ya.."
Her: "Itu hasil usaha kamu. Kamu juga harus menghargai usahamu sendiri.."
Me: #DalamAti iya lagi :')

Untuk segala hal yang Tuhan izinkan terjadi dalam 7 bulan terakhir,

baik yang aku mengerti atau pun tidak,
aku percaya Tuhan siapkan untuk segala kebaikanku dan jawaban doa-doaku.
Bahkan pengalaman berat dan kelam dalam tahun ini, Tuhan siapkan untuk mengobati semua luka yang aku sendiri tidak mampu sebutkan, ceritakan, sembuhkan sendiri.

Great is Our God

just a page to appreciate life

Dear Abba,

thank You for loving me even before I learn to love myself

thank You for never letting me go even through my crazy singleness season that I learnt what You've always intended with relationship

thank You for creating my life in such a way that there's no other explaination than Your hands being in it

thank You for making wait for things I've prayed for, it makes me understand the value of the life I dreamt of, or to be correct the life You've put in my heart

thank You for Victor, this equally crazy, strong-headed man You put in my life

thank You for the love You put in his heart first, and he continues to tend it, until the same seed grows in my heart also

thank You for everything

I wish I didn't spend so much time crying and questioning what You're doing with my life

Thank You, Abba

sincerely your forever little girl,

Edys

baby steps in a full-grown adult

I knew healing was never linear...

but experiencing it firsthand, the ups and downs, is so much different from knowing...much more intense, much more perplexing, and sometimes doubting..

I can't tell if right now I'm fully healed or not

what I know is I know myself better now, my emotions, my thoughts.

I understand them better now.
Not just the Gladys I paint for other people to see, but the Glados I know deep inside, the true gladys, the one I tried for sooo long to hide, to protect, to paint in certain ways, my ways.

well..well..

if it's not the wandering mind that can't sleep although the body is aching and tired..

until next time,

stay alive and keep on living, bish.
I love you, truely...

xo
G

Peeling My House and Rebulding My Onion

Her: "Gladys kamu kayak onion. Banyak lapisannya. Saya bahkan baru tahu kamu pernah di FKG."

Me: "Dulu aku nyebutnya aku kayak hard-boiled egg, tapi kayaknya itu ga cukup ngegambarin banyaknya lapisanku..eheheh..." 

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: "Aku merasa kayak aku punya rumah namanya 'Gladys' dan saat ini rumahku lagi dihancurkan sampai ke dasar. Aku ngerasa kayak ga tau yang mana diriku yang sebenarnya yang mana yang mekanisme copingku akan apa yang dulu terjadi atau ego-ku yang lagi ngelindungi aku."

Her: "Iya, Karna kalau rumah catnya bagus tapi fondasinya ga bagus, sama aja, bakal hancur. Sama kayak kita mau renovasi rumah tua, harus kita hancurkan semuanya dan mulai dari bawah."

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Progress, especially inner-work, is never a linear process.
There are days when it feels like I am regressing, when I'm actually making improvement looking from a bigger picture, looking at the whole picture.

God, never wish for any of this to happen.

But then again, I did ask for a plot twist, didn't I? ;)

#SurpriseSurprise

Bale Pulang

I think it's finally safe enough to slow down and not rush anything,

to let myself be the sassy glados that I am,

to do the small, non-medical things I always thought about, start going to the gym again, taking drum lesson, weekly girls night-out, anything other that only doing residency stuff.

Not to underestimate the program, it's just, focusing solely on it has not done me any good...took a toll on my mental and physical health that I needed to take some time off from it.

But, all is well now..

And we're starting fresh in a few days...

finger crossed everything goes smoothly

training season's over...

Dear diary, 
if we all hold the power to creat the life we've always dreamnt of, what would be stopping us?
ourselves?
our self-doubts?
or our inner critics?

Anyway, might be crazy-bold end tell the universe what I want and need...
or in a more christian way, ask Abba for what I want from my deepest heart.

"training season's over..."

(they) hate to see your heart breaks

 

Me: "Apa bedanya aku yang sekarang dengan yang setelah pulang dari Medan kemarin?" 
Him: "Beda aja. Kamu sekarang lebih lepas, lebih bahagia kelihatannya. Ga tau apa karena kemarin itu akhirnya menyadari bahwa itu gak enak, atau kenapa."
Me: "Hmm, lebih karena aku menyadari bahkan di saat titik terendahku, saat aku benar-benar merasa terhilang, Tuhan melindungi aku, jagai aku. Dan aku tersadar seberapa aku didukung oleh semuanya."

Dear bloggies,
It's been quite some time after the last post, isn't it?

I did write in one of 2026 posts asking God to bring new characters into my life, to give me a plot twist.
Well, He came through, just like He always does, ahahhahaha
And I would love to give Him all the glory, because even though it was heavy, painful, and I felt lost at that time, it forced me to face my own sabotage, to be honest and work towards true self of gladysglados.

I know this will be another long journey, but there's this calmness in my heart, for I know that this chapter will bring out good, because HE is working on my behalf.

anyway, this song popped up in my head out of nowhere.
and we all know Hayley's great vocal range.

Homework(s)

I always knew that residency was gonna be tough, but boy was I underestimating what tough could mean.

So for now, I'm taking a rest, while doing well-being homework.

One of which is five things I love/admire about Gladys.

Dang, losing your keys is a small, normal thing, but losing yourself, losing sense of who you are a person, losing sights of your dreams and hopes, that's different and definitely not normal.

So meanwhile, I'm gonna list down these traits and while waiting for my mind to calm and see clearly, I'll do the mundane daily stuff, doing the chores, hitting the gym, going out to the cafe, reading, and may be writing, again.

I'd like to chant my fave mantra one more time:

For everything that had happened,  I thank You.

For everything that took place today, I thank You.

For everything that the future has for me, I thank You in advance. 

Finding the right stride

Tuhan, makasih udah mengizinkan Edys sekolah lagi.
Edys bersyukur untuk kesempatan menimba ilmu ini.
Edys bersyukur untuk kesempatan belajar banyak ini.
Edys bersyukur untuk kesempatan merasa bodoh, menangis, merasa berat, merasa ga yakin ini.
Karena Edys jadi bergantung penuh sama Bapa.

Tuhan, kalau boleh Edys memohon, tolong temani Edys menjalaninya.
Tolong ajar Edys, pimpin Edys, mampukan Edys.


Bapa, buat pintu yang Edys harapkan terbuka untuk Edys.
Bapa lah yang membukakannya.
Bapalah yang membawa Edys ke ruangan yang Edys doakan, kalau memang itu sesuai rencana dan rancangan Bapa.
Edys ga kenal siapa-siapa, Edys ga punya siapa-siapa, dan Edys anak-Mu yang banyak buat salah dalam hal ini.
Tapi arahkan, bukakan, sampaikanlah Edys di ruangan itu.

Dalam nama anak-Mu Tuhan Yesus Kristus, Edys nyatakan amin.

Dear Abba,

Abba, I know that there's no need for one specific time where You're gonna grant all my wishes and wants.

That's clearly not how this christian faith works.

But Abba, if I could knock on your door daily, I'm asking for this:
1. Give me courage, wisdom, and knowledge every day to fulfill this calling You've trusted me with.

2. Please give me a plot twist, new characters in my stories.

3. And can I start a family already? HAHAHAHAHAH, on a serious note, I wanna see how long will it take from me writing this, to tying the knot.
He better be everything You've prepared for me, that's all I'm asking.


Anyway, Abba.
Thank you for being my partner during today's 12-hour on-call duty.
If it wasn't You, I wouldn't be able to do it.

Sincerly,
Edys

D1

Dear Junior

Hang in there, Junior.
Berat, iya.
Nyerah, jangan.

Nangis, silahkan.
Berhenti bekerja, jangan.

I wish I could explain what happended in the past 2 months, but words are not enough, and I don't think I have the mental capacity at the moment to replay each and every story.

But ugh, what I know for sure is that this chapter is one of a kind.
Doing residency is nothing like medical school.
It's more intense, the responsibility is much bigger, and the train doesn't tolerate slow-paced people.

But if I could leave a note to myself, I'd say...

Dear Edys,

I know that this is hard, and I know you feel exhausted, lost, and sometimes incapable.

But baby girl, this is the kind of war you win just by showing up daily.

You don't need to kill each goliath daily, just show up daily.

Please love yourself.

Stop beating up yourself and ruminating on your mistakes, you're just a student, doing and learning things for the first time.

Take a deep breath.

Pray.

Know that Abba's got your back.

And always have your support system close.

Please don't let the negative talks win.

You have done more than you admit, don't belittle yourself, don't be your worst critique.

Be your greatest supporter, please.

From this chapter on, be kind to yourself.

Love,
G

They say...

when the heart is right, then the way will appear.
I guess it took me 29 years to fully acknowledge and understand that.

I feel like so many things in life are in the process of sorting or building at the moment.
In the middle of it all, I somehow have this strong belief that great things are taking place.
That things will work out even better than what I planned or what I ever dreamt and thought of.

Let's see how it turns out..

Fourth of July

Me : "Apa itu benda tajam, ya?"
Ibu : "Hmmm....coba dilihat dari jauh-dekat gambarnya."
Me : "Hmmm...Pistol ya, Bu."

***

I've met enough people to say that the world is indeed such a small place, and everyone is connected to everyone.

The other side of the coin is that life is very fleeting, and situations do change as the grass withers and flowers fade. 

Never had I imagined being so used to relocating from one place to another.
Never had I imagined I would be such a strong-willed, hard-to-defeat person.

Well, well, they say sometimes God shares the end-goal, other times He shares the very next step.
The in-between process should be surprises that grow our faith and character for the calling.

Anyway, I promise myself to take drum lessons after I'm done with my studies, or if during the process, I already know my way around, I will take at least one lesson a week.

The final goal is to play Fourth of July by Fall Out Boys. ✌

Is it even a dream if it's not big and scary enough to shake the innermost side of you at least just a wee bit? 😉

Wait a minute

I guess after all that has happened this past 1 year,
one thing I learn the most is to live in the mean time.

To fully live the current moment yet still working and holding onto hopes for the future.

Weirdly enough, despite the turbulances life throws, these calmness and steadiness are unshakeable.
My younger self would have been broken into pieces, turning into despair, and losing faith in the calling or in God's presence.
 

                                                                               ***

Dan bukan hanya itu saja. Kita malah bermegah juga dalam kesengsaraan kita, karena kita tahu, bahwa kesengsaraan itu menimbulkan ketekunan, dan ketekunan menimbulkan tahan uji dan tahan uji menimbulkan pengharapan. Dan pengharapan tidak mengecewakan, karena kasih Allah telah dicurahkan di dalam hati kita oleh Roh Kudus yang telah dikaruniakan kepada kita.

Roma 5:3-5 TB

 3Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5 NIV

***

In the mean time, I am waiting for an answer that will decide the course of not only the other half of this year, but also the rest of my life.
Excited for the unknown.
Hopeful for new chapters and characthers that may come along.

The long-time creeping question in me has been answered through a series of life experiences.

"God, am I strong enough for this calling You've put in my heart?"

No more guessing, no more doubts.

Yes, I am. 
Because if God says it, God will make the way, it will come to pass and we will see it through.

J A D E D

The last 5 months have been one of the most fast-changing periods in my life.
Not only regarding career or professional life, but also my internal locus.

I never knew how strong, resilient, and deeply rooted I am to my internal values until I faced some unexpected situations.
Thought I would fall hard and start questioning my decisions.
Instead, I was calm and solution-oriented.

Me: "Aku tuh dulu berpikir, karena Mama dan sepupu deket aku, proses pembentukannya dengan kehilangan orang tua. Aku sempat berpikir, apa aku harus ngelewatin proses itu juga ya untuk pembentukanku. Ternyata enggak. Pikiranku terlalu kecil untuk bisa menebak cara Tuhan."

Her: "Biasanya proses pembentukan itu adalah saat ekspektasi ga sesuai dengan kenyataan. Nah bisa berupa kehilangan orang tua, kegagalan, hubungan asmara yang berakhir. Tapi intinya adalah gimana menghadapi kenyataan yang ga sesuai dengan ekspektasi atau rencana itu."

So, whatever 2025 may bring, I know for sure it's a big change.
Not because I know exactly what's coming, but I know I have gone through one of the most transformative situations, and I'm glad to say that what come out of me during this time are desired and tested traits. 

Personally, I felt like, "Aghh... my core indeed is pure and unshakeable. Well, guess I had underestimated myself all along." :')

On another note,

I know for sure that having faith doesn't mean you never experience doubts or anxiety.
But having faith means you press on because you know He's got this.
And even though the storms seem scary, He is in the boat with you; not only that, 

He will calm them and ask you to sleep it in because He will get us to the land.       

 He always does.

FALL OUT G

Me: "Kenapa aku harus membuat seolah-olah aku harus sampai di titik tertentu dulu baru aku bisa menikmati hidupku?
Kenapa aku merasa baru bisa nulis blog atau bikin podcast lagi kalau aku udah ini atau itu?
Padalah sebenarnya, apa pun yang aku lewati sekarang, itu pun bagian dari prosesnya."

Her : "Padahal kalau Mbak Gladys tulisnya nanti, mungkin aja perasaannya udah ga sama lagi, mungkin aja waktunya udah enggak ada, atau bahkan ga ngerasa itu hal yang penting lagi karna ada hal lain lebih penting untuk dikerjakan. 
Bisa aja kalau Mbak Gladys tulis sekarang, orang lain atau Mbak Gladys sendiri akan mendapat pelajaran dari prosesnya, karna lebih manusiawi."

                                                        ***

Ibu: "Kalian itu ya, Dek, jangan seperti itu. Ke mana pun kamu pergi akan selalu ada orang yang di atas kamu. Akan ada orang yang di bawah kamu, dan ada yang sama seperti kamu. Tapi kamu tetap harus percaya diri bawa diri kamu..."

                                                        ***

Bapak: "Nanti kamu nikah di sini aja. Jadi orang sini."                                                  

                                                        ***

Me: "Aneh banget ya, umur segini aku meluruskan pandangan ku akan prinsip ku, apa yang aku mau, apa yang orang tua mau, apa yang aku anggap penting."

Her: "Sebenarnya wajar. Karena kamu ngabisin usia awal 20-an kamu untuk melihat banyak point of view, dari kuliah di Padang, kerja di Sumba, tinggal di Jakarta. 
Tentunya itu akan mengubah cara pandang kamu.
Sekarang tinggal proses mengungkapkannya." 

                                                         ***

A few scattered conversations I had with some people the last month.

I must say that 2024 has been nothing but transformation, realignment, and self-discovery for me. I used to think the top-notch of my 'shaping' experience was working at Sumba Foundation in a remote area with a different cultural background community and challenging health and infrastructure conditions. 

But my oh my, that is nothing compared to owning your journey, taking life with all the surprises it brings, and keeping your faith, values, and principles along the way. 

So to Glados, 

Let's take this journey day by day.

Let's take all the lessons we have for the future we believe God is preparing us for.

And please, LIVE THE MOMENT.

None of this is permanent, and none of this will be repeated.

So live it to the fullest, live it as your first time, live it proudly, live it with all the lessons and questions you still have.

JUST LIVE IT NOW, LIVE IT (MIND)FULLY.

                       

"You'll find your way

And may death find you alive."

- Fall Out Boy; Uma Thurman

CREDITS

Hi, everyone.

It's your girl, Gladys, who mentioned writing a series on a 2023 kaleidoscope and then showed up 7 months later. hahahhahaha 😆

Any way, I just finished a whole set of exams for residency program, now we just wait for the final result next month.
I think about writing this post and making a new long-overdue podcast episode after the result comes out. But then, I realized it would mean pausing my life.
When in reality, whatever I'm having at the moment, it is worth celebrating, worth giving credits for.

I had my department interview last Monday, and only after the interview did I realize that I have been doing a lot.
I swear, before that, even when I was preparing my CV for the application, I always thought little of myself. Like "Who am I, a general practitioner working for a small NGO in a remote island?" or "They must be looking for doctors with a big-hospital experience." or "Who would take my work experience seriously?"

Only after the interview did I realize I had been thinking so little, so small of myself. :')

Only after that did I realize I have been working in (tropical) infections for so long; even my undergraduate research was on HIV testing programs for pregnant mothers.

Then I joined the Sumba Foundation; at that time, malaria wasn't part of my interest.
But then again, it was not only malaria; I've had the chance to understand more about the health system, telemedicine service, leprosy, tuberculosis, even having the chance to care for Hirshprung patients, Coxitis TB patient, a patient with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, one with congenital avascular necrosis on the tibia, even one with osteosarcoma.

"Menurut aku mimpi itu bertumbuh, Dys. Sama kayak kita, mimpi bakal bertumbuh dan berubah seiring proses kita." 

Those words could not be any more true.

As we grow, so does our dream.
As we course through life, our dreams get sharper and more focused.
It may not be something we had imagined or thought for ourselves.
But isn't it written: 

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him."

So, with this post, I'm taking the time to tell myself,

"You did great, Dys.
Cheers for all the journeys you've taken and to the new ones you're about to start.
Wherever God takes you to."

- G

 

[Untitled]

Hello everyone.
If my blog was a real person, I would have been the worst bestfriend she had. 
Coming once in a blue moon, especially in 2023.

Aku pikir quarter life crisis and adulthood akan semakin 'ringan' di setiap bertambahnya usia.
Jokes on me. 
Like who am I kidding.
IT DOESN'T. 
Life in fact gets a lot more complex, with a lot more sides and flavors to it,
and clearly all the strings attached. ahahahah

I was texting Mama Laura, telling how I feel lonely after 6 months living alone in Jakarta.
While on the other hand, I don't really like crashing for too long at a relative's or a friend's, and coming home to Medan is only great for a maximum of 2 weeks (IYKYK) ahahahhaha

Additionally, at this age, some of my friends already in a marriage, some with kid(s), some are doing schools, overall doing their own lives with their own struggles and hustles. 

So it does get lonely from time to time.

Ditambah lagi, aku dengan kepribadian yang ga suka dan ga nyaman untuk cerita sama orang, dan very selective on personal plans and aspirations.

Akhir-akhir ini aku sadar, part of it karna aku sadar our society doesn't really confirm 'diversity of life choices', when many of my life choices have been if not unconventional, questionable.. ahahahahah

Kayak kalau aku boleh bilang ke temen-temen yang sebenernya aku deket tapi aku ga pernah cerita apa-apa kecuali kalau ditanya atau aku ngerasa kondisnya nyaman untuk bercerita:

"It's not you, it's me and my trauma of having to be belittled or questioned for my choices" 

So, don't take it personally. 

I guess hal yang aku suka dengan 'bertambahnya usia' adalah penerimaan dan pengenalan akan diri yang jauh lebih baik, di samping melihat hidup dari lebih banyak sisi.
Other than of course 'the lesser piece of mind' I give for many things ahahhahaha.

High-school and college-year Gladys would think 2023 Gladys is a badass for this. 
AHAHAHHAHAHAHA
All the overthinking and overplanning sides of VIRGO, with the traits of first-born daughter from a Batak family that doesn't have any boy.
So yeah, no wonder ahahahaha.

I'm planning to have a blog series on 2023 kaleidoscope.
Not that my 2023 has been all flowers and butterfly, but it's been one of the most life-changing period.
So, until the next post my dear bloggie-bestie,
Good night.

G

Not so much like Carrie and The City

Dear my long abandoned blog,

I've missed writing so much.

Life has been crazy, especially these past eight months, a.k.a 2023 is indeed one crazy year.

Since I last wrote one year ago, so many things have changed.

1. I've made up my mind on the specialty I'm pursuing for life.

Dang, even writing it feels like a big thing, just because I know that is another life-long commitment I'm making.

2. I've left Sumba and resigned from the Sumba Foundation.

Although I'm still actively involved in the collaboration research on neglected skin diseases and leprosy, it was one of the big decisions I made for myself.

It was just a point where I already knew I had reached the goals I set for myself when I first joined SF, which were self-development, leadership, and management skills, and that there was no next step career-wise for me there since I was the Medical Supervisor, the highest position for a doctor in SF.

But SF will always have a special place in my heart, and if I come back to Sumba one day, I will make sure I also involve SF, at least for the health worker staff knowledge and skill development. ahahhahahaha...simply because I enjoy training others so much, I enjoy helping people build up their capacity and, with that, also improve the system.

3. My family went through Cia's ruptured appendicitis, laparotomy, three months of stoma care, and finally, a stoma closure operation.

Simply put this was one of the experiences that thought us a lot; especially for Cia, my only-one and little sister, and me as a healthcare provider and at the same time as a patient's family member.

4. I moved to Jakarta and started working for the International Pediatric Association (IPA).
This one is way beyond what I ever thought for myself.

Firstly, because, even since I was still in high school, I've always told Mom that 1. I will not build my career or family in Medan, 2. And I know Jakarta is not a place I want for that either.

Secondly, my current job is 180 degrees from what I did at the Sumba Foundation.

Back in Sumba, 80% of my job is hands-on, field-trip, very practical work: home visiting my patients, teaching the nurses, handling medicine and other supplies, and the 20% is managerial, reporting, and coordinating with the consultants.

In IPA, all of my work is behind-the-screen work; at a glimpse, people may deem it easy, but it is unpredictable, and it put me in a position to better my formal English writing skills..ahahahahah..

This is so random, but last year, I did my IELTS test, bearing in mind I will use the certificate for scholarship application. At that time, we (my mom and I) thought I'd be doing a master's first, then pursue a specialty afterward. So, I did the IELTS without any dedicated preparation because I was caught up with all my work at the Sumba Foundation. And it turned out that my lowest score was in writing ahahahhaha.

And now, I look at my job, and every time I type the words "with due respect', "hence," "therefore," and "however," I just laugh to myself and think, "God, You have a great sense of humor! Thanks for giving me this very position to improve my skill, though." 😀😂    

On the other hand, my IELTS test is one of the experiences that taught me about 'actively preparing for what I pray for or have faith for.'

At that time, I had this belief that "I'm gonna take the IELTS test because I wanna pursue higher education." And I always tell everyone that, "Whichever comes first, either master scholarship or specialist scholarship, I'm gonna use the IELTS certificate for it."

I took the test in July last year in Jakarta because I was trying to find the available test date closest to Nabila's wedding. And on 28th November last year, the government announced its specialist program scholarship. I even took a few days to think through if I wanted to give it a try no matter what the result would be since I knew the kind of job I chose as a general doctor was not a common one for doctors in Indonesia. I thought they must be looking for an experienced 'hospital-based clinician.' 

Well, it turned out I got it.

Despite all my self-doubts and even more, despite what I perceived as a perilous yet memorable interview moment, which I thought was gonna disqualify me.

5. Not so much like Carrie Bradshaw in NYC
I love watching Carrie Bradshaw and Sex and The City, for the fashion and also because the idea of New York always appeals to me, especially the Times Square lights at night. 

I figured after almost three months of working and living in Jakarta, living alone in Jakarta is so much different than all my past experiences living alone, and I have lived by myself for nine years ahahahhaaaaaahahh..

If I could mention some points:

• I just spent 2.5 years living in Sumba, where I don't see much social discrepancy. I told this to my closest; one of my culture shock moving from Sumba to Jakarta was seeing a kid from the area begging while I was buying my juice.
  People may think, "WHY IS THAT A CULTURE SHOCK?!"
  I spent 2,5 years living in Sumba, where I never experienced that, where everyone just kinda dresses the same, and especially because every care in Sumba Foundation is free, so any patient coming with any attire, whether they had taken a shower or not, whether they're dirty or well-put, my service and how I treat them is all the same.
  Compared to a very 'what-somebody's-wearing' city like Jakarta.
  
  
• I had lived in Padang while I was doing med school. I also lived in Sumba for an internship and Sumba Foundation. But living alone in Jakarta is so much different, in a sense that it is levels higher than past experiences. This is because when I was in Padang, my challenge was the cultural difference, but financially, I was supported by my parents. Then, when I was in Sumba for my internship, even though I was already on my own financially, housing was provided, which cut a lot from the budget. Moreover, when I was in the Sumba Foundation, housing, 3-times-a-day meals, transportation and gas money, and even my quarterly leave accommodation were all provided. So, all my earning is for secondary needs and investment.
  
  

Now, in Jakarta, I started everything from the very beginning without all of the above. ahahahhah 

I realized how hard it is to build yourself, especially in Jakarta. 

But I LOVE THIS EXPERIENCE.

I always mentioned that I am grateful for going through this while still single.

It made me so much more financially cautious.

It made me understand and accept that growing up really can be lonely from time to time, and that is normal.

And I am proud of myself for being brave enough to make all these decisions.

Mom once said on a phone call.

"Kalau kau memang pemberani, Dys. Kau bakal ngenal daerahmu. Kalau aku ga bakal kayak gitu, walau aku udah pernah tinggal sendiri di luar." 

And I laughed at that because it's true.

 

6. Things do change when you're a grown-up

I love eating everything, especially sweets.

I was never in a situation where I had to cook for myself, so I never really had the 'confidence' to present my cooking to other people.

But being in Jakarta and knowing that buying food can cost an arm and leg ahahahhaha, I have to cook. I bought my own fridge and electric pan, and to my surprise,

IT'S BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO NOW.

I will look at easy recipes with limited cooking space and ingredients.

I will save the cooking videos.

And I LOVE SALADS NOW.

I've done a lot of moving in the last five months, moving from Sumba to Medan moving to 3 different rooms at the hospital for my sister's second operation. Moving from Medan to Jakarta for one week, staying at a relative's house, to moving to my first 'kosan' (because 'apartment' is way too good of a word to explain a rent room), then moving to a second one because the first one doesn't have a parking spot, and just recently moving to another room at the second kosan. 

And even crazier, I'm moving to my family's house next month.

JUST A LOT OF MOVING.

But, ever since all this, living by myself and by my own means, I love to decorate my space.

After completing the pros and cons, I choose to live in my own house, for I have more space, I can cook decently there, and one thing I am most excited about is I CAN NOT WAIT TO DECORATE MY OWN ROOM!

I've already planned to paint the wall medium grey with a white accent, having a white frame standing mirror and hanging closets for all my daily attire.

And also, I can't wait to bake. I wanna bake banana bread (because it is my love).

Plan to make my own salads, fruits bowls, and whatever recipe I wanna try.

I am very excited to shop at the market, buying some chicken, fish, and veggies. ughhh
It just sounds so fun to me.

SEE!!

Nadrah and I mentioned that all of this behavior shift is a sign that we are GETTING OLDER.

Our favorite pastime now is all home or self-development-related.

AHAHHAHHAHA

But I love it so much, partly because I know I had my share of crazy early 20s and am now in my late 20s with a more settled mindset, principles, and even groups of friends.

So that's all

It's one of my longest posts, but I feel so relieved I finally got back to writing again.

Enjoy life, everyone!  

    

leaving Sumba and my two fave people in Sumba 

Cia's very first eat-out after her laparotomy and it was her birthday :')

just my thing, annoying Cia :)

a lot of driving her around for doctors' appoitments

when she was admitted for a stoma closure

some archieves from my trip to Sabang

very first bouldering experience

that one friend 😒

and above all these plot twists, I took Bahasa Batak course in Jakarta, out of all the places 😂

life is indeed full of surprise

-G