At MY OWN P(e)ACE

Nayas : " Lu gimana biasanya kalau nulis blog? Kayak lu buat draft dulu gitu?"
Me      : " Ehm...enggak...biasanya dia cuman kayak burst of ideas muncul tentang 'tema' atau 'judul' yang mau gua tulis, trus baru gua tulis...trus post... Tapi ya itu, suka ada typo-nya.... tapi ya abis post w biasanya baca ulang dan edit lagi."
Nayas : "Iya tu si typo.."

#SelfAsessmentGameStrong ahahahhaha  😂😂😂

***

Hello everyone.
Februari ga kerasa banget lewatnya, saat Januari felt like a whole-year long. 😩

One of the important things I learn take more seriously after the first 2 months of 2020 is to do things at my own pace, for my own peace.
This one gets even more important in the midst of all this final-exam (UKMPPD) preparation.
To know that it's okay to not have the same study rhytm as other friends'.
To know the best study-time for myself.
To set my own goal that doesn't cost me my own peace.

Second thing is really (again) to savour the very moment more.
I mean appreciate this very moment by taking what it serves me sincerely.
Kalau dalam bahasa Mama, "Kalau lagi ada ya nikmati. kalau lagi enggak ada, ya juga nikmati."

The lost of Kobe & Gianna Bryant, and Ashraf Sinclair reminds us that all we have is now.
And to use it wisely, to make good memories, and to leave great legacy is how we appreciate it. 

Dan kalau pun yang ada sekarang terasa sulit untuk dinikmati, atau terasa berat untuk dijalani, atau ga senyaman dan enggak semenyenangkan yang kita harapkan, jalanin aja.
Nanti bakal ada indahnya.
Dan semua yang ga enak itu bakal bikin saat yang indah terasa makin berharga dan buat kita jadi lebih mampu menghargainya. 💞💋

when them ideas come, gotta write 'em down, kapan nulisnya masalah nanti.

kon· vér· sa· syon 💕

me : "Jadi aku mutusin untuk ga pergi ke situ lagi."

Oli : "Why so sudden?"

me : "It's not so sudden, actually. Aku udah mikirin ini dari acara natalan kita kemarin. It's not like I suddenly condemn it, it's just...."

Oli : "What good can come out of place like that."

me : #Amazed cuz' she just read my mind 💖

***

As I take more care on myself, and by that, also taking 'real conscious' care on what I do, what I choose, and what I let people do to me, my reaction on some stuff also changes, that includes my view on things, how I conduct myself.

And I think most of it is due to :

1. I have a mother who fully supports, loves, and accepts me.

She lets me explore my choices, and helps me navigate through them, even if my choice is actually not "fully approved" by her.

That way, I learn to make better choices for me.

2. Really just what I let get inside of my head, this includes music I listen to, youtube I watch, or even conversation I have with others.

Bacause really our doing is just a reflection of what we believe in, what we beieve in is the reflection of what we hear, watch, and put inside ourselves.

so yeah..

have better, more stimulating, and nurturing conversation.

S A V O R I N G 💫

Konnichiwa 
#EfekDipanggilGeradiseu

Hmm... about some days ago, I got some flashbacks and ephipanies.

It was around October when Mai was about to leave for good for her internship and just some time after that Oli  had to go back to Papua due to some reasons.

I remember telling Mai at that time : 

"Mai, aku takutlah kalau kam pergi iship.
Aku takut aku jatuh lagi"

Now, as I'm reaching the end point of my medical school life, to be precise my clinical term, I realise that :

Nothing lasts forever,
so savor every moment of it.

Savoring the happy part of it is easy, but to be able to also savor the pain, the hurt, the challenges life throws in your way, that's the real stuff.

"Aku ga mau sedih ngingat kenyataan kalau kita ga sama-sama lagi sekarang Mai, secara fisik.

Aku ga mau itu mencuri kebahagiaan dan rasa syukurku buat apa yang udah kita lewati bersama"

"Jadi, kalau sekarang aku lagi bisa sama-sama Oli di siklus ini, aku mensyukurinya, 

gimanapun keadaannya.

 Kalau sekarang aku lagi sibuk belajar sama tim UKMPPD-ku, aku juga mensyukurinya. 

Karna aku tahu ga bakal selamanya kayak gini. 

Jadi aku harus ngejalanin yang ada sekarang dengan sebaik-baiknya, 

jadi ga akan nimbulin kecewa di waktu depan."

***

I realised one of the biggest mistakes I made was rushing things.

Doing things when it wasn't the right time to do it, not waiting on God's timing, rushing to 'get things done' but not savoring bit by bit of the moment.

At the end, I ended up losing, more than what I think I'd gained.

It's like getting a whole cake, and because you are too excited, you eat the whole cake in one moment. 

At the end it leaves you with a stomach ache,and you barely remember the real taste of it. 

You missed the texture and the moisture of the cake,the chewy, soft caramel sauce. 

Instead you only can say "It tasted sweet.", 

or worse 'it tasted good."

***

So, although at the moment I'm still figuring out how to manage my time, with this last clinical rotation exams, UKMPPD preparation/ group-studying, disrupted sleep-schedule, coping with the stress in a good way that won't hurt me nor people around me, playing with missed friends, and doing devotional time intentionally and wholeheartedly, I will remind myself to savor every bit of the moment of this time, to live more in the moment, to only have  "today's trouble for today."

sebvvah konten persembahan 

gladysgladoss ENT Corp

thank u, next 💋

January has passed.
And I just couldn't wait for it to pass.
Like, January 2020 just felt like a whole lot of everything.

I don't know about you.
But for me, it felt like that.
In personal life, study life, all the world's news.
Just a whole lot.

So as we are entering February 2020, I'd like to send a prayer to Abba.

"Abba, thank you for January.
Though I felt like I was beaten up by confusion and anxiety, I learnt what kind of person I really am.

Almost all of us are shocked and saddened by the lost of Kobe and Gigi Bryant, but that thought us the gift we have been receiving but haven't really appreciated enough, which is our family coming back home safe to us.

Although, the world is dying with weapons and missiles, and even new virus' outbreaks, I pray that You still put hope and calling in Your Children to bring peace, change, and hopes to others.

And...although I don't know what's coming in the future, please hold me and strengthen me in this journey.

I pray that You always bless all my friends....my beloved friends who kindly accept me.

And I thank You for giving me Bapak-Mamak-Cia, bestfriends, close friends, colleagues, even for every expired relationship, friendship, and even dark feeling that I had, I sincerely thank You and praise You, for I grew through each one of those.

Abba, please remind me of Your Grace and hold me in doing my calling. 🙏🏼💞🌄

R E S T

aneh...tapi lebih dari apapun yang aku butuhkan sekarang, when it's only 22 days in 2020, adalah istirahat.

mungkin karna lingkungan koass yang lagi memanas di dalam tapi berusaha menunjukkan everything's okay on the surface.

atau karna siklus yang bermasalah.

atau karna aku yang ngejalanin sesuatu yang harusnya bersifat 'panggilan hati' tapi aku ngejalaninnya kayak suatu keharusan, suatu kerjaan rumah, suatu tugas.

so I felt overwhelmed...

kayak muka post dinas di siklus yang harus KI per 15 menit..

so...

may be taking some time resting,

even going out of town to just refresh the mind and have better perspective and have inner peace in my own heart is a way to rejuvenate myself.

💞🌻🌄

T R A N S F I G U R A T I O N

Hi y'all!

I hope y'all are doing great.

It's only 18 days into 2020, and just a lot had happended, in personal life, nationally, globally.
I can only hope that amidst all of the things that are happening, we still have hope for brighter, promising future.

I've been meaning to write, but just didn't feel like I had the 'message' I wanted to share.

As my clinical time is reaching its final point, there were times when I was doing some questions  as Exit-Exam preparation,  I got reminded by how I managed to go through the thoughest season in my life and at the same time do my clinical rotations.

It doesn't bring about sadness or anything, it just amazed me.
And I got more determined to be accepting ears, a non-judgemental heart, a safe house for my friends, who is going through stuff.
To tell them that they're not alone.
That although it sounds super cheesy, but 
IT  DOES GET BETTER.

Apart from that:  

1. This period of life just exposes people's true nature. 

2. I am glad I no longer feel the 'obligation' to stay 'friends' with some people, who don't value the things I value, who don't make the effort to keep the friendship.
This helps me to focus my time, energy, and effort to people who appreciate 'the connection'  and give back the same energy. 

3. I am grateful to Abba, for calling me and letting me go through and grow through, for Mamak-Bapak-Cia, for Mai-Oli-Opung-Dea, Gita, Nadrah, Najas...I mean semua temen-temen yang let me show my true colors, even my traumas, and let me grow and heal... 🙏🏼🌻☺️ 

I spent almost 20 years thinking I could never tell other people of my stories or they'll leave me, cuz' they must think there's something wrong in me.
That same belief that made me put too much trust and give too much to what I thought the only one who will accept. 

It is one of the most liberating feelings, to know I got my safe place to talk about my traumas and to know they don't expect anything in return from it. 

To just be Gladys.

You act different when you know your true identity

let's do this again, how about Valentine's?

C o m m i t t e d

a friend : 

Itu 'tu bukan soal ada yang tahu apa enggak, nggak sih?

Itu 'tu soal kamu megang komitmen kamu, yang kamu udah janjikan ke diri kamu sendiri.

***

Hi everyone!
I hope y'all are doing great.

I did say that I don't have any resolution for this year.
Bukan karna aku ga punya harapan apa-apa di tahun ini, cuman I think it's time untuk aku tanya dulu ke Abba, apa yang Dia mau aku lakukan di tahun ini, then I can see if my resolutions/hopes are aligned with His desires. 
           
Najas : " Jadi tahun ini resolusi lu apa?"
Me     : " Ga ada...ahahahha...blum ada w buat."
Najas  : " Tapi pasti ada kan hal yang lu mau lebih baik lagi di tahun ini..."

Ada beberapa kejadian di akhir Desember sampai ke sekarang, yang akhirnya bikin aku sadar 'this is the word for this year' :

~ C O M M I T T E D ~

This year I, Gladys Olivia, am committed to :

1. My personal relationship with Abba

Untuk bisa bilang "Prayer is My Secret Sauce", 

kalau orang nanya "How did you do it?".

 Untuk punya waktu pribadi setiap hari dengan Abba, where bukan aku aja yang ngomong, tapi aku juga denger apa yang Abba bilang.

 2. Personal self-love and self-growth 

(this includes ga boleh bilang 'capek kali koass..' 

'muak kali koass', walopun I may feel it like constantly 😶, 

but harus simpan dalam hati)

3. Building a humble, open, and encouraging home 

So Bapak-Mamak-Cia-Edys grow towards each other's purposes 

and be blessings to others

4.Builing an open, empowering, and fruitful relationships

Sebenernya ini sih yang paling buat aku ngerasa tahun ini tahun "committed". 

Karna dalam hubungan dengan siapa pun, 

terutama hubungan dimana kita udah ngenal satu sama lain lebih dalam, 

kita harus ingat komitmen awal kita ngebangun hubungan itu apa, dan sadar dalam hubungan itu masing-masing individu punya latar belakang masing-masing, mimpi masing-masing, dan cara masing-masing.

So, even though cara kita berbeda, kita tahu kita punya 'dasar'/ 'values' yang sama, dan kita punya tujuan dari apa yang kita jalanin. 

"Where there is no vision, the people perish." Proverb 29 : 18

In other words, where there is no vision, people stop caring for one another.

What makes us stay standing together, even at the worst times, bukan perasaan, 

cuz' feelings change according to our circumstances, 

it is our commitment to our vision on what we wanna achieve from all of this.

that's all for now

XOXO

Edys