It's Sunday, and I'll be having block exam on wednesday and Friday.
Yayness is that I'll be back in Medan from saturday to the next Sunday.
But that's not what's bothering me right now.
It's the the unanswered question.
What am I doing here?
Why do we have exams?
We spend 3 to 4 days listening to the lecturer's recordings and memorizing their slides, and reading the questionaries. After that, the day comes. We did all we could. Some of us pass, some don't. But even if the "did-well" ones get asked 'what you gonna do if a patient 45 y.o comes with chest-pain complain?' , the majority will take time to think...and finally guess the procedures.
No more multiple choices.
No more lucky guessing.
No more pencil and paper.
***
Being a medical student might be some people's dreams. But to some it might be another spare plan, another "making-my-parents-happy" deed, and so many other reasons.
Me : " Buk..aku mau ujian...tapi aku malas kali... :( "
Dea : " Smangat Bu Dokter! Ingat orang-orang yang bakal kau obatin nanti.."
Me : #Don't reply the chat
I know exactly how happy my family is with this major I'm taking.
And I'm grateful for this.
For every single thing that has come unexpectedly and shaped me.
But, trurt is...
I, myself, can't understand how circulation system works in one week. I can not understand how the same risk factors bring different pathologic condition. I don't understand ECGs lines in a 3-meeting skills-lab. I don't understand how aortic regurgitation makes different murmur to aortic stenosis. I don't understand why some people develop atrial fibrilation while other can stay in atrial flutter.
And I seriuosly can not master those in 6 weeks of "studying".
Medical school is a facinating thing, yeah it is.
But before stepping in here, the best thing anyone could have is motivation.
Because you may pass, but holding on is another level of struggles.
Patience and persistence.
Be patient myself.
Be really patient.
Take a deep breath. Take a shower in the middle of your studying time.
Watch LDP videos.
Dream the life you want.
Dream the dreams you want.
It is a blurry journey, but isn't everyone's?
Take a deep breath.
And be patient.
So later, if a 45 y.o man with chest-pain comes to you, you know whether to give ISDN nor to give oxygen first.
So later, when a man suddenly drops after screaming in cheers over a football match, you know how many times you should push against his sternum and when you need defibrilation.
So later, when a 50 y.o woman comes for her hypertension consultation, you know exactly that the advices you give are evidence-based.
So later, you know you are not wearing the coat for your family, for your future husband, for your pride, for whatever the freaking people may say about you.
So you know you are wearing it for yourself, so you may bring relieves to others.
So you can smile when the 45 y.o man say "Terima kasih, Bu dokter."
xoxo, Glados.
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