Ed Messran

So, it's been 4 day since all the exam thingy.

And It's also been 4 days of watching Vampire Diaries, waiting for Saat Berbuka to buy food, doing nothing in my room.

It's also been 4 days of feeling literally alone and lonely.

My kost has 10 rooms outside the landlord's house, 5 in the back row, 5 in front.And my room is in the middle of the back row.

The other rooms are empty but mine.

So, when I watched around midnight, it gave me a creepy sensation. XD

Last night was a bit out of my treshold point.

I couldn't take the fact that I couldn't go out on my motor.

I'd have to take the public trasportation, taxi, or walk.

The fact that I can't go by my own and the way I want, starts to build the feeling of being limited,caged up.

I don't know why, but  just couldn't open up as I ussually do with my group friends he than in Medan.

May be it's just me can't take this culture shock.

First time In Methodist 2, it was culture shock too.

Didn't think I'mma have to face this again, with the fact that this time all of my life changed.

There's no more Mamak,Bapak, Cia.

No more mobility.

No more freedom on being, talking what I usually do.

No more sister-time with Kak Abeth.

No more eat-window-shopping-fooling-around with Dea.

No more three crazy,loving,uniqely different girls I have in Dentistry.

No more partameangan.

No more sermon,

No more my safe zone.

I don't know why it repeatedly come to me.

The thought of comparing Padang to Medan.

The feeling of being alone.

The constantly-complaining Gladys.

The fact that Mamak has always tried her best in motivating me may be one of the reason why I just can't back off.

I've gone far. 

She has spent a lot me studying here.

and I know this makes her happier than ever.

" Aku ga tau. Aku ga tau kalau bakalan seberat ini waktu dijalaninnya.Banyak banget yang aku tinggalin di Medan.Aku terus berpikir apa FK ini layak buat itu semua.Buat semua yang aku tinggalin, semua yang aku relain. "

" Ga ada yang bilang bakal gampang.
Kamu ingat singa betina itu keluar dan berburu untuk kelompoknya.
Mangsanya dua kali lebih besar dari dia, lebih cepat.
Tapi dia harus kejar buat makan kelompoknya.
Kalau memang ini bukan yang kamu mau, tapi ga mungkin kamu tinggalin, jalanin aja dulu.
Selesain.
Setelah itu kamu lakuin apa yang kamu mau.
Aku yakin kok kalau kamu mampu nyelesainnya."

That's what Jo told me last night.

He called because I was don't-wanna-go-out-just-want-to-be-at-kost that night.

I like English a lot.

I like stories, a lot.

I can read an article talking about Lithium in "curing" Bipolar in New York Times than actually just read my lecturer presentation.

I like Diana Rikasari's blog.

It's colorful.

I like magezine. It's also colorful and fresh and entertainment-filled.

I like riding my motor to 80 km/hour.

I like the feeling of freedom, of the wind blowing my hair, of my short skirts, my T-shirts, my messy hair.

I like to run.

I've always liked it.

I like CIMSA, precisely I like being part of actions.

I like selling DANUS. It makes me feel I'm needed or actually can bring something that make someone happy.

I like having  good boy friends.

I was never sure of it, but I like it.

Boys are less drama, 

I like doctors- my lecturers- who don't push me (us) to get A, but opening our horizon and making me (us) wonder.

I like writing.

My mind talks all the time.

I like chocolate, all variant of it.

I like good food.

I like watching movies, series.

 

The truth is, I feel worried if people, my relevat know all of this.

That they'll hink my Mom pushed me into this road.

I don't like people blaming my Mom.

But you know what.

I've got to the point where I stop worrying others' perspectives on my family.

I know my Mamak, I know my Bapak, and I know my Cia.

Everybody's opinions won't change the fact that these are the only people I share blood with.

I spent my first years of life with.

 

R/ Epinefrin 1 mg No. I

Happy people!
It's sunny but not so hot in Padang this afternoon.
And I just got back from this Basic Pathology, Diagnose, and Therapy block's exams.

One thing made today 'special' was while we're having our Pharmacology Lab's MCQ exam papers, came our lecturer saying this :

" Ujian sama saya nilainya 15 point selama 15 menit.
Tulis soalnya!
1. Sebutkan apa yang dimaksud dengan obat parenteral?
2. a. Sebutkan jenis-jenis obat parenteral.
    b. Berikan contoh masing-masing 5 beserta dosisnya.
KALIAN DI SINI KULIAH KEDOKTERAN.BUKAN MAIN-MAIN! "

FU*K!

I guess it was pretty much what's in all of  in J room yelled in our hearts, besides " Ya Allah!" of course.

I didn't have any problem with the exams, although I'm not sure about my answers. :p
It's just the way this ibuk YELLED and ORDERED us. Especially her last words.
It's just..

What you think we'e been doing this last freaking whole year Buk?
Playing around?!
It's been one year of even just trying to find and actually fit to any studying methode we knew.
It's been crying alone in the room saying to our selves
"Am I good enough?"
"Can I make it?" 

Every week is about finishing and grabbing one or more textbooks.
Every week is about changing from an obgyn, to an internist, to a geriatrist.
Another is about doing our Indonesian tasks and Civil's presentation and exams. 

Sometimes it's about getting in our organisation, doing the programs.
Other times it's about the faculty agenda.

I'm not whining about all the things we have to face, the textbooks we have to read, the schedule we have to follow.

I'm just saying, there are other ways to make students open their eyes, to motivate our willingness to study, to ask, to explore.
Not by making us feel so down, like we haven't done anything this past one year.

          So yeah, you write me a prescription to be your so dreamed medical student. 
         The kind of students who will make proud the "institution" , who will keep the                          "accreditation".

But at the and of the day, I'mma choose whether I trust your pescribed drugs or get myself another opinion, or try alternative medication.

Love,
your-frequently-stumbled-along-the-medical-road student.

Knife it is.

Hello bloggies!

I just reached home ( actually just my 16-meter-squared room) from break-fasting with my university mates.

Truth be told, I'm facing acne problem, again -__- , this lately.
It has been driving me mad and actually ashamed whenever friends come asking "what happen to your face Dys?"

Honestly people, if I had known what happened to my face, I would have effing stop these deliciously reddish inflamations! -__-"

You know, ever since I arrived here, in Padang, I have - in most of the time- hidden my nature behaviour.
My loud, insane, nasty, bitchy, ambitious, sarcastic self.
I have been very "concerned" about what people think and see on me.

But this evening, I couldn't stop laughing my heart out surrounded by people doing the same.
The feeling of safe being my self was rejoicing.

Some not so joyful moment was :
the taxi I took home didn't put the cargo on, I don't LIKE that!

And I know it's nothing but my silly, random, time-wasting post in the end of week 6, end of semester 2, which immply that I'm having Block exam next week, and OSCE on the next 2 weeks.

Whatever.
I do what I want now.
And I want this.

And I think I don't wanna put up with somebody's childish, selfish, queen-bee behaviour any more.
You need to think about what people feel when you do or say something, especially ones close to you.
Being close doesn't freaking immply you got to be the boss all the time.
I shut you down.
Do what you want.
Just don't expect  the same tolerance! *middle-finger-inserted-here* :p

Dumb NaNaNa

Hi bloggies!
I don't remember when was the last time I blogged XD
hahahha..

Any way,
Good news, I got in the Project Team of CIMSA FK Unand 2015-2016!!
Thanks God.
And today, I'll be having SCOPH's upgrading called iTunes :)

And, I'd really love to talk about this (not so new) series I love, THE NEW NORMAL. ;)
I love the story, it's not heavy like Vampire Diaries, Game of Throne, especially True Blood.

And I think it has some really good life lesson and also criticism especially about how the society treats LGBT.
I'm not exactly the best person on ignoring what people think and say about myself, but love is love.
Other than that is none of our freaking business, moreover our judging.


And ughh...this song really beats my head this lately. :)
So, Happy Sunday.

XOXO, Glados.

My Half Papachunk

Hi people.

It's Tuesday and tomorrow I have my second meeting of tutorial.
That means I gotta finish my LO now, but I really feel like writing right now.

These past 3 days, since I had my interview, has been so mind-distracting for me (I'm not sure it's the right word, but whatever, it's my blog boo) :p

Since it's the "changing season" in all UKM (student activity centre) in FK Unand, so there are new faces and some faces that didn't get the place/position they wanted, or hoped for.

I just wanna say,

It's the most human thing to be dissaponted.
If somehow I didn't get what I had hoped and worked for and I just didn't feel any dissapointed nor sad, that means I am one hypocrite.

So, for whatever it is, I'd like to be absorbed in sadness than fake and let it hide somewhere until in just BLOW OUT sometime.

And I learnt something from my nutrition lecturer. 

dr.Delmi : " Let see, all of you must be the 10 to 15 ranked in your old school.. If you were the first in general rank, you wouldn't be in here, you would be in UI or ITB."

That was, seen from on part, rude.
But, that was also the truth.

But, I know for sure now, after spending one year in dentistry and being called grateless or greedy by people, there best we can do is to be grateful of what we have now.
But changing your plan, redesigning, and hoping for the future you wanna have are never greedy.

I've had times when I just called Mom and told her how I wished I weren't studying medicine and how I envy other people who study things that don't involved human,life,thick textbooks.
But here's what my Mom says:

"Why are you being so ungrateful?!
Didn't you remember the time you were in dentistry and thought 'how cool and huge it is to be a medical student?' And now God had given you the chance to get in with the fact that you didn't prepare that much and many people out there dying to be in your position!
Open up your eyes Dys.
Don't be enchanted too easily by what you see on the outside.
You think people who don't study medicine just live without problems.
They have their own, and so do you."

So yeah, what I really learnt is that I am human.
I can be blinded by what I see.
I can feel happyness,joy,pain, and despair. 
And to fake that I don't feel that way, is such misery.

And to be brave to show how I truely am is such a privilege I shouldn't let go.
My lecturer and Mom showed me that.

So, let me be the bitchy, the hyperactive, the noisy, the dreamy, the dirty-mouth, the loving, the careless, the messy, the feminine, the ambitious, the nervous, the hard-working, the moody lady that I am.

DEMONS

Everybody loves a clown, a comedian, one who makes fool of himself and makes others laugh.

But do peple really know that a clown, a comedian, they are the deeply hurt ones?

Hello bloggies.

It’s been too long since last time I post.

And it seems like everytime I post something it’s just around my college now.
hahahaha…so pathetic, I know.

But what else to say, I’ve pledged my life in studying human, the never ending mystery human.

These past three weeks I’m consumed by DANUS MFAF. 

Being part of DANUS, you gotta sell everything that brings money for your event. 

So you gotta have the “selling-mouth”.

And it also has been since these last 3 weeks, I gotta go home (or precisely go back to my always-missed room, here in Padang) feeling empty.
Tired. But I know I got things to do.
Wanting to call my family, but somehow I feel like I just need them here now, not by the phone.

So yeah.

Let me be this dramatic now.

Being apart from your home sucks.
Being in a place so different from yours sucks.
Not being around your loved family and friends sucks.

But, since it’s my life now, all I have now is just to lay all these in to His hands.

Dear you,
I feel so tired and empty.
At the same time I know you’re feeling exhausted.
I hate that I’m like water on a leaf.
I hate that I miss my friends and my family so much.
I hate that I need someone to hug so badly without feeling scared of what people may think.
I hate that  sometimes I think a break could make things better.
I hate that I can’t make myself see all the past things and just trust you.
Of all these things, I hate that it’s all true.

Lost Stars

  And God,tell us the meaning

  Youth is wasted on the young its hunting season

  And this lamb is on the hunt searching for meaning

   But all we are lost stars trying to light..light up the dark

- Adam Lavine, Lost Stars

Hi bloggies!

How you all doing? :)

Hope all of you are well. 

So, I just moved to Padang,Sumatera Barat, to study Medicine.

It's still part of Indonesia though, in case you don't know where Padang is. :p

I retook the SBMPTN and, with all praises and thanks to God, made it to my first option, Medical School of Andalas University.

I've been here since August 4, so it's been a week now. Mom accompanied me until last Trustday.

One of the reasons why I never posted anything for the last couple months was this, me retaking the SBMPTN. Truth is, since the second semester in Dentistry, I've registered to a Bimbingan Belajar, but  because of the schedules with my classses in Dentistry, I didn't come often. Or precisely, I came like once or may be twice in a week, and at some times in a month.

People at Bimbel always gasped at the fact at I would retake the exam.

Most thought I was doing an ungrateful and silly deed for not just staying in Dentistry.

There were much more comments than supports.

So, I thought it would be best for me not telling any one about the plan.

Just keep it to myself, my family, and close friends.

                                                                      ***

Now, here I am typing in my rent-room in Jati,Padan.

The day Mom left me to go back to Medan, it was my Ospek day.

So, when I arrived , my room was empty and dark.

It's sad how you thought you'd be just fine by yourself, and suddenly it just wasn't ok.

And, if my family calls me, it always fells like crying.

Crying to the fact that my family is only a four-membered-family, and now I'm away and alone.

Crying to the fact that I miss my Seksay Cia, my most-of-the-time-I-cant-make-sense-of  Mom, and my not-spending-much-time-talking-with Dad. 

And there are these three girls I also miss.

My friends, my sisters, Uci,There,Mumus.

I remembered the time we said what made us so close was that "We all seek for attention. And we all care for one another."

So, no one was put aside.

And, there's Dea, my bestfriend, who is now in Bali, for studying Food Engeenering.

Such a long step she took, and a brave one also.

And, my sister, Kak Abeth, to whom I'm still sorry for didn't make it to meet up on my last day in Medan.

I also miss you sister. 

Sorry for that time.

                                                                    ***

Padang is not a big city nor metropolitan. And it's much smaller compared to Medan.

But, I'm here not for the city. I'm here to study, to go back to Medan with "MD" titled at the and of my name.

What I know for sure now is that no matter if  the ones you expect to support your plan say NO. Or even if a total stranger tells you NO. But if you know for sure what and why you want it, just do it.

At least if we make mistake,it's our own. 

It's better to fail, than to give up before the battle even starts.

It's better to hope and believe all the things in God than letting people's thoughts to corrupt your guts.

And this what my physiology doctor said when we were studying about Nervous System back in Dentistry : 

" If you are to make a choice between a FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT condition, and if it's still possible, ALWAYS choose to FIGHT. Don't run away but FIGHT!"

This is Sera. She's from Papua and studying Medicine too. We share the same house now but different room. :)

            

Heheh..every one has SOME WISH TO-WORK-FOR LIST right? :p