J A D E D

The last 5 months have been one of the most fast-changing periods in my life.
Not only regarding career or professional life, but also my internal locus.

I never knew how strong, resilient, and deeply rooted I am to my internal values until I faced some unexpected situations.
Thought I would fall hard and start questioning my decisions.
Instead, I was calm and solution-oriented.

Me: "Aku tuh dulu berpikir, karena Mama dan sepupu deket aku, proses pembentukannya dengan kehilangan orang tua. Aku sempat berpikir, apa aku harus ngelewatin proses itu juga ya untuk pembentukanku. Ternyata enggak. Pikiranku terlalu kecil untuk bisa menebak cara Tuhan."

Her: "Biasanya proses pembentukan itu adalah saat ekspektasi ga sesuai dengan kenyataan. Nah bisa berupa kehilangan orang tua, kegagalan, hubungan asmara yang berakhir. Tapi intinya adalah gimana menghadapi kenyataan yang ga sesuai dengan ekspektasi atau rencana itu."

So, whatever 2025 may bring, I know for sure it's a big change.
Not because I know exactly what's coming, but I know I have gone through one of the most transformative situations, and I'm glad to say that what come out of me during this time are desired and tested traits. 

Personally, I felt like, "Aghh... my core indeed is pure and unshakeable. Well, guess I had underestimated myself all along." :')

On another note,

I know for sure that having faith doesn't mean you never experience doubts or anxiety.
But having faith means you press on because you know He's got this.
And even though the storms seem scary, He is in the boat with you; not only that, 

He will calm them and ask you to sleep it in because He will get us to the land.       

 He always does.

FALL OUT G

Me: "Kenapa aku harus membuat seolah-olah aku harus sampai di titik tertentu dulu baru aku bisa menikmati hidupku?
Kenapa aku merasa baru bisa nulis blog atau bikin podcast lagi kalau aku udah ini atau itu?
Padalah sebenarnya, apa pun yang aku lewati sekarang, itu pun bagian dari prosesnya."

Her : "Padahal kalau Mbak Gladys tulisnya nanti, mungkin aja perasaannya udah ga sama lagi, mungkin aja waktunya udah enggak ada, atau bahkan ga ngerasa itu hal yang penting lagi karna ada hal lain lebih penting untuk dikerjakan. 
Bisa aja kalau Mbak Gladys tulis sekarang, orang lain atau Mbak Gladys sendiri akan mendapat pelajaran dari prosesnya, karna lebih manusiawi."

                                                        ***

Ibu: "Kalian itu ya, Dek, jangan seperti itu. Ke mana pun kamu pergi akan selalu ada orang yang di atas kamu. Akan ada orang yang di bawah kamu, dan ada yang sama seperti kamu. Tapi kamu tetap harus percaya diri bawa diri kamu..."

                                                        ***

Bapak: "Nanti kamu nikah di sini aja. Jadi orang sini."                                                  

                                                        ***

Me: "Aneh banget ya, umur segini aku meluruskan pandangan ku akan prinsip ku, apa yang aku mau, apa yang orang tua mau, apa yang aku anggap penting."

Her: "Sebenarnya wajar. Karena kamu ngabisin usia awal 20-an kamu untuk melihat banyak point of view, dari kuliah di Padang, kerja di Sumba, tinggal di Jakarta. 
Tentunya itu akan mengubah cara pandang kamu.
Sekarang tinggal proses mengungkapkannya." 

                                                         ***

A few scattered conversations I had with some people the last month.

I must say that 2024 has been nothing but transformation, realignment, and self-discovery for me. I used to think the top-notch of my 'shaping' experience was working at Sumba Foundation in a remote area with a different cultural background community and challenging health and infrastructure conditions. 

But my oh my, that is nothing compared to owning your journey, taking life with all the surprises it brings, and keeping your faith, values, and principles along the way. 

So to Glados, 

Let's take this journey day by day.

Let's take all the lessons we have for the future we believe God is preparing us for.

And please, LIVE THE MOMENT.

None of this is permanent, and none of this will be repeated.

So live it to the fullest, live it as your first time, live it proudly, live it with all the lessons and questions you still have.

JUST LIVE IT NOW, LIVE IT (MIND)FULLY.

                       

"You'll find your way

And may death find you alive."

- Fall Out Boy; Uma Thurman

CREDITS

Hi, everyone.

It's your girl, Gladys, who mentioned writing a series on a 2023 kaleidoscope and then showed up 7 months later. hahahhahaha 😆

Any way, I just finished a whole set of exams for residency program, now we just wait for the final result next month.
I think about writing this post and making a new long-overdue podcast episode after the result comes out. But then, I realized it would mean pausing my life.
When in reality, whatever I'm having at the moment, it is worth celebrating, worth giving credits for.

I had my department interview last Monday, and only after the interview did I realize that I have been doing a lot.
I swear, before that, even when I was preparing my CV for the application, I always thought little of myself. Like "Who am I, a general practitioner working for a small NGO in a remote island?" or "They must be looking for doctors with a big-hospital experience." or "Who would take my work experience seriously?"

Only after the interview did I realize I had been thinking so little, so small of myself. :')

Only after that did I realize I have been working in (tropical) infections for so long; even my undergraduate research was on HIV testing programs for pregnant mothers.

Then I joined the Sumba Foundation; at that time, malaria wasn't part of my interest.
But then again, it was not only malaria; I've had the chance to understand more about the health system, telemedicine service, leprosy, tuberculosis, even having the chance to care for Hirshprung patients, Coxitis TB patient, a patient with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, one with congenital avascular necrosis on the tibia, even one with osteosarcoma.

"Menurut aku mimpi itu bertumbuh, Dys. Sama kayak kita, mimpi bakal bertumbuh dan berubah seiring proses kita." 

Those words could not be any more true.

As we grow, so does our dream.
As we course through life, our dreams get sharper and more focused.
It may not be something we had imagined or thought for ourselves.
But isn't it written: 

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him."

So, with this post, I'm taking the time to tell myself,

"You did great, Dys.
Cheers for all the journeys you've taken and to the new ones you're about to start.
Wherever God takes you to."

- G