Blue & Grey 🐳🐘

Hi everyone. ✨

Ingat ga aku pernah bilang 'life feels like a transition phase at the moment'?

I guess it was when I was preparing for UKMPPD.

I really don't know what to feel right now.

Other than a wholehearted gratitude to God for letting me get Karitas Hospital as my internship place.

On the other notes,

1. I feel so blessed to have Dea, especially, for more than 13 years now, as my bestfriend. 

I've come to reap the benefits of fully applying that 'Hard-boiled egg' Relationship Analogy. Less drama. More openeness. And it feels lighter.

2. I am grateful for the fact that I choose not to get in a relationship status when I have that little voice inside my heart says "No, Dys. Not him. He's good, but it's not him."

Mungkin kalau aku masih 19 atau 20, aku bakal 'ngekode' cowok yang spend more time texting me, calling me buat put a status on it, tembak aku.

But, what I learnt from almost 2 years being single dan ga jadian sama siapa pun yang deket sama aku :

• aku belajar denger kata hatiku lebih lagi

• aku belajar untuk secara objektif menilai lawan bicaraku tanpa dipengaruhi rasa ketertarikan fisik atau finansial atau bahkan status sosial

• aku belajar menghargai waktu, tenaga, uang yang orang lagi deket sama aku punya, tanpa harus bikin dia ngabisin banyak ke aku, kalau sebenernya aku tahu, aku bukan untuk dia dan dia juga bukan untuk aku. And I don't have the intention untuk membuang waktu siapa pun. 

I guess buat beberapa yang pernah dekat I was playing hard-to-get yang jatuhnya untouchable, not interested. When really, I appreciate them so much, their time especially, that I don't want them to be played, even by my ego.

And I don't know if it's just with me, tapi most of them yang ga jadi, didn't stay as friends with me.

It's okay, mungkin emang dari awal ga ngarapin jadi temen.

When honestly, I'd love to have good friends, many good friends. ✨

And still, I will always wish them well. 

3. Honestly speaking, aku sebenernya campur aduk banget menyonsong akhir tahun. It seems like a short period, but somehow it feels long for me, long enough to wait for God's answer or more precisely God's provisions.

4. What about you? How has life been to you? What are the things you'd love to see come/ happen in your life?

Good night, everyone 🌌✨

2 more and we're done ✌🏼

Hello everyone.

I hope y'all are doing great and safe in this situation.

It's almost 2 more months left in 2020.

Last year, as I closed 2019 with "Close it with grace", I was hoping and praying that God take out the bitterness and pain I might feel from that year.

And although, 2020 is full of unexpected events, both in my personal and the whole world in general. Somehow God always shows His mercy and protection in areas where I thought I was being withheld.

So, as we're reaching the end of this year, I'd love to take on a project, called "Dangerous Prayers".

This is also the title of Craig's new book.

What motivates me is the fact that there's this particular prayer that disrupted my life.

And to my surprise, when a friend of mine prayed that same prayer, she also experienced some disruptions.

But, like any other projects I've done, I'll make sure I have the capability to talk on that matter, so I guess I'mma do my researches in November and hopefully wrap up this in a short video in December.

The timeline is pretty long because I'll be occupied with internship final preparation and also the internship itself.

Am I nervous?

Yeah, of course. It's a new thing.

Am I backing up?

No. I know this day will come.

And I honestly want to sail my seas, explore the world, pursue my dreams, live up my purposes.

And I hope & pray that I meet people with the same intention and same alignment, that we'll support and help one another grow. ✨

Articulate It

Hallo everyone.👋💖
It's been 20 days since I said I needed some time off to actually figure out what's happening in my life.
Well.. I still can't figure it out, and I might have made some reckless decisions while taking my time, but at least I have better articulation of what I'm feeling now.

There's something I felt strongly in my heart and prayed for it earlier last month.
I was pretty much confused and didn't know what to pray for, but there was this small voice telling me to "ask this, pray for this."
And as the year is approaching its end, I can see some events as the prayer being answered in ways I never thought coming. 
Tapi tetep aja, ga ada yang tahu akhirnya dan jalan ke depannya bakal gimana.

My girls and I talked about this, that sometimes we pray for something, we thought we want that something, but we're not actually ready to accept it or accept the answer from God.  🙏

***

About this internship thing, I actually have mix feelings about it,
excited and nervous at the same time.

I guess if I'm gonna take more time off, it will be on this internship matter, because altough it's only 6-9 months, I really don't wanna jump to it haphazardly without praying and considering it thoroughly.

And my family leave all the decision to me.

Well, adulthood feels a lot like that group project with only one member actually doing it and the credits are still for the group.. 😂 ahahahahahaa.. #JustKidding

On a more serious note, adulthood is really about making the decision for yourself and by youself, and of course taking the consequences of it by yourself.

Sounds kinda lonely, tapi mau sampai kapan ngarapin ngelakuin segala-galanya sama kelompok?
Well...may be it's just me. 
Ionno. 😛

Words 👂👄🌠

Hi everyone, I thought for my first post after some time off....I'd share some 'enlightening' moments I had.... whether it was said by me or to me. 👂👄🌠

Lala : "I don't even care if his height is half of mine. I mean, finding the one charactereristically good is hard enough, I don't need to make the possibility even smaller."

Me :  I took some silent moment and just absorb what Lala said

Mama : "Ga ada gunanya kau mikirin segala kemungkinannya, Nang. Di mana pun kau kerja, pasti bakal ada atasan yang kayak gitu. Jadi ngapain habisin waktumu memikirkan kemungkinan-kemungkinannya dan dengar kata-kata atau pendapat orang." 

Me : "Mam, aku internshipnya November. Tuhan jawabnya kayak doamu, Mam."

Mama : "Percaya sama Tuhan itu, berarti yakin apa pun yang Dia izinkan terjadi adalah yang terbaik. Termasuk pergi intershipmu ini. Pergilah. Kita ga tau apa yang Tuhan siapkan untukmu, tapi itu pasti yang terbaik."

Me : "You know, I've gone tired of building these walls so you can't contact me or hear anything about me. And still, somehow you keep showing up. So from now, whatever will be, will be. I'm not putting up walls anymore."

well... one step at a time for everything.
still not the whole walls down.
building them took a long time, and so will taking them down.

📴

taking some time off..

not sure until what time. (hopefully before this year ends I'll already be feeling much better ✨) 

got some personal things to settle with myself.

Hope I come back with self-improvements and many new stories worth sharing.

Meanwhile, take care love. ❤️

Updates

it's weird how UKMPPD is done and Glory to God passed it 😇, but now it seems like I have more things to do.

Not as in a compulsory for some academic thingy, but as in I owe it to myself to make sure I do it.

Some of which are (learning) personal finance, some seminars that'll be super beneficial in the future, and may be some or at least another language course, and some administrative works for all this Hippocratic Oath and graduation stuff.

So yeah...more like needing to discipline myself on my own time schedule and for my own benefits.

Ok bye everyone.

good night. 💋

choose love, even if it's challenging ✨

Me : "Tapi aku capek, Mam."

Mama Laura : "Hal yang ga kita cintai pun bakal bikin kita capek, Nang. Jadi, kalau yang enggak kau cintai dan yang kau cintai pun bakal bikin kau capek, tentu lebih baik capek untuk hal yang kau cintai. Cinta itu bukan berarti kau ga capek waktu ngejalaninnya, tapi walau ada tantangan dan kesulitan, kau enggak akan ngelepasinnya, kau tetap lebih memilih berusaha untuk cintamu dari pada untuk yang enggak kau cintai. Doainlah."

And then I took some time to actually think and at the same time hope He gives the answer and lead me in His ways.